6/20/2012
We are in love! Get out of our way!

I found myself walking behind a man and a woman. No bother. It always happens when I'm in a mall, and contrary to what my blog entries suggest, I don't get worked up easily whenever I see an obviously dating couple doing what dating couples do in a mall.

The crappy part happened ten seconds later, when the two suddenly stopped walking. I was directly behind them, yes, so I suddenly had to stop. And I had nowhere to go, because there was someone to my left sort of blocking me, and someone to my right blocking me.

It really is just an inconvenience for a fast walker like me. And it commonly happens. At least until I find out that the couple stopped so suddenly because they took a photo of themselves. I know this because I saw, in a split-second, their fancy yet ubiquitous phone with their faces on it. And possibly mine.

I guess they don't drive. Anybody who does knows that you're not supposed to hit the brakes abruptly unless you really have to, or unless you want a fender bender and a trip to the cops. Hit the brakes gently. Brake slowly. Unless you're on the verge of a fender bender yourself, of course. Still. Brake slowly. Then go to the side, where you cannot prevent other cars from passing, unless you don't have a choice.

The same rule applies to camwhoring. Please do not take photos of yourself from out of nowhere. What you're going to do is inherently unpleasant, so make the landing softer for those you inconvenience. Make an announcement, and if possible - no, change that, in every instance - go to a corner and fuck the hell out of that lens. (Get it? Camwhoring? No? Bleh.)

And if you just can't find an acceptable opportunity to bring out your camera and take a photo of yourself, then always remember that there's always tomorrow. Although, yes, it's 2012, but we still have a good amount of tomorrows, especially if you're a couple who spend a lot of time together, strolling around malls, holding each others' hands, giggling like, well, little girls. Yes. I get it. You're in love. Now stop giggling like little girls.

I'm on the record, always have been, as being cynical when it comes to these things. I don't quite understand why people become annoying when they fall in love - having been through that stage, I'll say, it's my feels and I regret nothing - and more annoying when their pleas for love get reciprocated. You know those songs. Now that we're together, nothing will break us apart. But they mean the same freaking thing.

But that's beside the point. So, yes, you're in love, you're together, and nothing will break you apart. What makes you so special? What makes you worthy of being able to bend the rules of camwhoring - admittedly, I made those up, not being a camwhore myself, so there's an inherent bias there, but still, everybody gets it, right? - and just suddenly stop walking, bring out a camera, take photos of yourself, and bring me inconvenience and, quite possibly, discomfort?

What makes you worthy of having songs written about your everlasting union, about how the power of love can turn a hawk into a dove, or render physical distances moot?

What makes you worthy of convincing others that it's only you two, and you two alone, who's the most important something in the somewhere? Is it because there are two of you, and just one of me?

Sure, I'm annoyed now. (Side note: I almost used the word "angry" which, for these purposes, is a bit too much.) And sure, it might be because I never really got past the next level - maybe my opinions will change if I, by some cruel twist of fate, become one-half of a loving, dating, camwhoring-in-the-middle-of-nowhere couple. When that happens, maybe I'll be more annoying, since I have a blog through which I will proclaim my endless love for said person. Now that we're together, nothing will break us apart. That sort.

However, it's 2012. We may still have a good amount of tomorrows, but we have a finite amount of tomorrows. It will all end sooner or later, so stop acting like it never will.

And your responses...

Post a Comment