9/28/2012
It used to be so awkward

Niko, alam kong medyo hindi tayo nagkakasundo sa mga bagay. You really annoy me at times. Pero bilib din naman ako sa'yo, super responsible mo. Uh, you should know kung kelan mo ititigil 'yung pagka-hyper mo. 'Yun lang siguro. And don't think na wala kang karamay sa buhay mo. You have 39 friends na siguradong tutulungan ka. And that's us. Kaya cheer up, okay?
-- Ale Tejada, 9 December 2005

It used to be so awkward between me and Ale.

I was going through old blog entries the past few days. Yes, I know, I do that often, but today I pretty much forced myself to go through every single one of them, so I could add those jump cuts (you know, those links that say "more" - and I know they're not exactly called "jump cuts", that being a film editing term, but you cut the blog entry and force the reader to jump, so, yeah) and do some style tweaks now that my blog can do big photos and all.

A couple of days ago I found myself digging through my blog entries from seven years ago - 2005, when I just started blogging, when I was still terrible at blogging, and by terrible, I mean "write artlessly about everything that happened to your day" blogging. You know, those months when the biggest story was either a doughnut night out, a piece of advice for Clarence, or (and I did not write about this) me telling Lau about this supposedly groundbreaking realization, that I really, really like Ale.

"Nagtatago ka pa nga sa kanya, eh," she'd later recall in that video production project - an autobiography that I flipped into a twenty-minute documentary on my crushes, which both got me nowhere and is now literally nowhere.

"Hindi ko maalala 'yun," I told her, or something.

I just thought of all of that for a moment, and thought that, in the seven years since, we've become really good friends. Although I'm still definitely hyperactive in the wrong places. I don't know. I just found that epiphany amazing, amazing because I did not really make a big fuss about that. I mean, when I find myself really (publicly) liking someone (notice my choice of words here, in case you haven't) my head tends to go, all right, you're screwing this up, you'll never ever be friends at this point. I mean, (yes, again,) I made a really big deal out of it, like I'm a hotshot television writer penning a cliffhanger ending, like Shonda Rhimes slicing off Arizona's leg. And yet here's an example where the opposite happened.

Other things I realized? Nah, I don't feel like writing them all here. I'm starting to feel a bit awkward about writing about this again, like remembering those days when "special mentions" meant everything.

And your responses...

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