5/30/2013
Indecisive

It was the start of our sophomore year. I remember. Me and Jan and Mirielle, somewhere along the third floor of Miguel, talking about things. It was during these conversations when Mirielle would call me "coffee beans" - I don't remember why now, but it's likely because of my hyperactive personality - and we'd both call Jan "indecisive". Or "indecision". Again, I cannot remember.

Jan and I would have a bunch of conversations, intermittently, about girls. Inevitably. Me, I needed to talk to a guy about it, and while I had other male friends, they weren't always available. Not that Jan wasn't always available, with us living different lives and all, but you know what I mean. The "indecisive" tag, actually, came out of one of these conversations, of him wanted to talk to a girl - was she the girl that I knew? - and not having the courage to do so.

Come to think of it, me, same problem. Same problem. I'm pretty sure I told him about the girls I liked, and about how I could never do anything about my feelings because I didn't want to ruin what me and the girl had - whatever passed off as friendship - and I was afraid of being rejected, because I just knew I'd be rejected, because I just knew she's out of my league.

So it was settled. We'd both be hopeless romantics, intermittently pining for someone, getting close to varying degrees, realizing we're so far in the end. We'd talk about other things. Basketball, even if it wasn't really my thing. Gadgets, even if it probably wasn't really his thing. Whatever's on the news. Again, intermittently, because when we left college we inevitably lost touch, again, intermittently. He'd study some more and I'd toil on a computer desk, writing my heart out, feeling terrible because, well, I'm pining for someone again, and I was out of her league.

And for a while, we forgot about it. I guess we moved on and decided to do other things, and when we get a chance, we'd talk a bit. Nothing heart to heart like in Miguel's corridors, back when we could afford to wear our hearts in our sleeves.

Now, he has a girlfriend, and I have a girlfriend. He's happy, and I'm happy. A part of me thinks, well, I never thought this would happen, but it did. Weirder things have happened, sure, but this, this feels weirder than anything else, because really, who among us thought it would happen when we were still impressionable college students? And yet it feels just right.

And your responses...

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