1/04/2014
Ever-increasing expectations

Never did I know that what I am doing is not, apparently, enough.

Never did I know that assuming all of this is enough is definitely not cutting it. What you thought was you being the most biased you can be is actually not enough. Someone out there is outdoing you. Someone out there will do something so amazing that others will wish, well, you should be doing something like this, or maybe this thing exactly.

Never did I know, or at least realize, that being in a relationship means ever-increasing expectations about what you should do, and what you should be getting. What you thought was the finish line is just the beginning of the race - and yes, this should have been obvious a long time ago, what with successive stages and all, but you have to constantly revise your goals, go higher with every passing day, so as not to hit a rut.

Never did I know that I am being as rigid as I always was, if not more of, and that I should be more willing to break the conventions more often. I am the guy. I should break my back more often. I should be the one doing this.

Never did I know that I am being abrasive. And I do forget that I shouldn't be. I should be grateful I am here. I should be grateful, else I would be like the others, a laughingstock for being alone, for still being alone.

Never did I know that, while I was fully convinced I was, I am actually not changing. Maybe it's because you think that's what they chose you for, I don't know.

Never did I know that being in a relationship highlights your every disappointment, that the happiness you get when you realize you are in someone's arms willingly is just a smoke screen for the fact that there are many, many, many times when you do not deliver.

Never did I know that I still have a chance, an infinite number of chances, that even if I feel as hopeless as I am right now, or at least thirty minutes ago, as long as the fundamentals still work, someone will still have your back. But the fact remains, you're a disappointment.

Never did I know that the worst thing is not having your heart broken, but breaking someone's heart, and for that person to still stick with you.

And your responses...

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