2/02/2014
OMFG! My GIFs are canon! My OTP! My heart!

Apparently JK Rowling, in an interview with The Sunday Times, admitted that she was wrong in marrying Hermoine Granger and Ron Weasley off.

"For reasons that have very little to do with literature and far more to do with me clinging to the plot as I first imagined it, Hermione ended up with Ron," she told the interviewer, a certain Emma Watson. "If I'm absolutely honest, distance has given me perspective on that. It was a choice I made for very personal reasons, not for reasons of credibility."

Ultimately, she says, Hermoine should have married Harry instead.

Now, again, I'm not a Harry Potter fan. I mean, it's nice that it's around and all, but I never felt a big attachment to it. My sister has read the books, and a bunch of other things too; all I did was watch the films (and engage in the conversation that inevitably follows) and read the first three chapters of the third book before my sister even knew she had it.

But in those early days, I was also absolutely convinced that Hermoine would, at least, get romantically tangled up with Harry. I mean, it makes a lot of sense, right? The protagonist and his only female chum - well, the only major female chum, because he is chums with that Luna girl, right? - having a moment, maybe in that winter-y village, or inside Hagrid's cottage, realizing they might want to spend the rest of their lives with each other.

Then, of course, Harry is the hero and Hermoine is an independent, headstrong woman who just happens to be helping him out. As I went through the films it got more obvious that the two wouldn't quite work. Ron may be a bumbling wreck at time, but he is charming, and affable, and he is very loyal. A bit of a counterweight to Hermoine's occasionally annoying stubbornness, if you put it that way. So, of course, the two would be a good fit.

(The last two paragraphs is an attempt at literary criticism, the sort of thing I just powered through with some bullshit during my college days. Not that I didn't take it seriously; back then, though, it felt like I was just connecting the dots for the sake of doing so, because you do not doubt in author's intentions. This one's also powered by some bullshit, though, because I have not read the books. And you know the Internet: you cannot claim to definitively talk about something without living through the whole process of fawngirling. Ergo, you cannot talk about Justin Bieber unless you're a Belieber.)

But now JK has received the power of hindsight over the Harry Potter series, and now she thinks Ron and Hermoine would have ended up in an unhappy marriage, peppered with counseling sessions and a couple of distraught red-headed children. And now the Internet is in a tizzy, because someone just trolled the shippers big time.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying JK was pulling a prank. I agree with her, in a way: Ron might not be able to make Hermoine happy. He's a bit of a slacker and she's quite driven: there will be hell, and maybe a lack of compromises, and two underfed red-headed children. But you know stereotypes, and how we assume that things will happen because things have happened before. And we tend to romanticize these things, the same way we tend to romanticize everything we held dear during our childhoods.

So we've accepted that Hermoine and Ron are married. And suddenly it's wrong. Cue the Internet exploding. Cue Tumblr exploding with GIF sets of Harry and Hermoine moments, hastily composed by idle fans to prove that they were right all along. Cue GIF sets of Ron and Hermoine moments, also hastily composed by idle fans to maintain the status quo, or something. And then Hitler has a reaction, and Sherlock has a reaction, and then we all got Capaldi'd and felt like Abed when Cougar Town was moved to midseason and, you know, things.

My childhood! My heart! My OTP is canon! OMG you guys, what's happening to me? Are these feels? ARE THESE FEELS?

Of course nobody has asked about Ginny. You know, the girl Harry eventually married? I hated the way how, in the films, she just popped up out of nowhere for the sake of pushing the Harry-Ginny relationship. My sister, of course, cleared that it really wasn't in the case with the books. But if Harry and Hermoine are supposed to get married, what happens to Ginny? Has nobody thought of Ginny?

This being the Internet, someone will find a way to make Ron and Ginny a pair. But they're siblings, so no, I won't go there. Maybe Ron will marry Luna, and Ginny will marry Neville. And then the Internet explodes again. Nooooo! NEVILLE IS MINE!

And your responses...

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