7/10/2014
Hey girl

I'm sorry about the news.

I know you're hurting inside. Really hurting inside. I mean, you might say I don't know how you feel, because I never went through what you went through. You looked up to him. You saw him as the perfect example. You imagined yourself with him. You wanted to be with him. And then you realized you can't, so you settled for watching everything he's in, reading everything he's mentioned in, that sort of thing.

And now you feel betrayed, because you hoped hard, and wished hard, and imagined hard, and yet it wasn't enough. Where was that law of attraction when you needed it? What happened to "if you think about it, it will come"? How come, after all this devotion, Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes end up having a baby?

"Why can't it be me?" I heard you this morning, and I assume I'll hear you say this for the next few weeks. Months? Years?

Well, sure, you already knew that they were dating, although they never really talked about it, so you hoped that it's all just a rumor and that it isn't true. She's way older than him, you argued. Sure, he's also seven years older than you, but that's not as awkward - and besides, you said you'll make him soooo happy if he chooses to be with you. And yet, you growled, he chose that has-been, and now she's carrying his son.

Let me tell you this. Who the fuck are you calling a has-been?

Eva Mendes is not a has-been. She's the most perfect, most stunning, most astounding female creature this earth has had the privilege of hosting! She may be 40, but she is timeless. Timeless, I tell you. How dare you call her a has-been.

But to my point - how dare this nobody, this Ryan Gosling, take my Eva Mendes away from me? Who is he anyway, and why does he even dare be near her? He's just this schlub with no talent, no charm, no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Why do you find him hot anyway? What does he have that, say, I don't? What makes him saying "hey girl" so special? I can do a much better job than him. I look better than him. I'm more charming than him. And more importantly, I am right beside you. He'll only talk to you through stupid memes. I will talk to you in person.

So, yes, it sucks for me, that Eva - she who was always there - will suddenly not be there, no longer there for me to gaze at. It's not just you and every girl out there who's hurting, you know. I'm hurting inside too. Really hurting inside. I mean, you don't know how I feel, because you never went through what I went through. I dreamt of her every night. I watched her every movie and looked at her every photo. I stared at her mole and marveled at her curves. And then I met you.

And your responses...

RYAN GOSLIIIIIIIIIIIING! </3

Blogger Aleigna Lin7/10/2014     

Post a Comment