8/31/2014
For those who will sleep for the whole of September

I wish you the best of luck as you sleep for the whole month of September.

It is an undertaking so immense, not even the laziest of people could finish it and live to tell the tale. Either they have had enough after the first sixteen hours, or their body sustains unfathomable damage. I hope you understand the risks you're taking as you go to such an endeavor. I also hope you reach the results you hope to achieve in this endeavor, whatever that result may be. Really, I never understood.

That said, it is my job to tell you that, while you are asleep, there are things that you will be missing out on. While many who have undertaken this sleep say they aim to escape the troubles that surround them, it is also worth noting that you will also miss out on many good things. Now, I understand that "good" has differing definitions depending on your personality and your state of mine, but I believe we can all agree that there are things we all want to embrace with open arms. But, yes, in this case, you won't be there, at least for a month.

Now, the list. Here are some of the things you will miss out on while you are asleep.

Newscasters talking about the beginning of the "-ber" months. The temperature will also drop, just as you always wished for during the summer days.

Newscasters counting down the days to Christmas. You will also miss the thrill of seeing major television networks outgun each other with over-the-top graphics saying "100".

Your favorite television shows returning, or at least most of them. How I Met Your Mother is not returning, and it will not change its ending even if you stage a one-man protest, but The Big Bang Theory is. If you're a gleek, however, you won't be missing any new episodes of Glee, as it won't be back until next year.

The eye candy that goes with your favorite television shows returning. Choose your poison. Ian Joseph Somerhalder, or Nikolina Konstantinova Dobreva?

Not seeing me on Twitter. At least not as much. I have lots of work to do in the first three weeks of the month, so, no, I will not be asleep. I request that you devote a portion of your sleep to me and the many others who have to be awake for longer than usual.

Puppies being born. And kittens. One of them will become a meme, and you will waste a lot of time gushing over them, which is an exhilarating feeling.

A day without traffic. A long shot, but with Christmas approaching, the number of cars outside will increase exponentially.

A day without long lines outside MRT stations. A much longer shot.

A day where you can legally see your favorite local celebrity wearing only underwear. Or, if you don't have tickets to the Bench thing, you can just rely on photographs. Admit it, you do like to gawk, and admit it, it's not as good to dream of celebrities in such states of undress, than to see them while awake.

That little extra the barista gives your drink. Maybe an extra sprinkle of chocolate on top of your fattening whipped cream?

A promotion at work. Maybe September is the month your boss finally recognizes you for who you fiercely think you really are: a brilliant, hardworking, devoted employee.

Having enough money to finally impress that cutie who sits across you. Maybe you'll get a favorable response, if at least a "hi".

Nights getting longer, so you can spend more time with your friends. Or that cutie at work.

The pleasure of sleeping after a long day, and of waking up after a good night's sleep. Of course. You'll be asleep the entire time.

Once again, I wish you the best of luck. I will wake you up at six in the morning on the first day of September.

And your responses...

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