9/23/2014
A vicious cycle

September 2013. Apple announces the iPhone 5s and iPhone 5c.

"Thank you for calling VS&T my name is Charlotte how may I help you?"

"I wanna know when I am due for a phone upgrade."

"Sure. Can I have your account number, please?"

"Umm, 81131993."

"81131993?"

"Yes."

"Can you hold on for a minute while I check your account information?"

"Sure, sure."

Hold music.

"Hello, Nicole?"

"Hello?"

"Yes, umm, I'm sorry but you are not yet eligible for a phone upgrade."

"What do you mean I'm not eligible for a phone upgrade?"

"What this means is, you're still within your contract period. You signed up on January this year, and your contract period lasts for two years, so you are eligible by... by January 2015."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT ELIGIBLE FOR A PHONE UPGRADE? I HAVE BEEN A CUSTOMER FOR NINE... MONTHS! A VERY LOYAL CUSTOMER FOR NINE MONTHS!"

"However, you can upgrade your phone now, but you will have to pay--"

"I AM A VERY LOYAL CUSTOMER! FOR NINE MONTHS! THIS IS STUPID!"

"Nico--"

"BUT I'VE BEEN HAVING SO MANY PROBLEMS WITH MY PHONE! IT GETS HOT IT FREEZES I DROPPED MY PHONE MY SCREEN IS CRACKED MY BATTERY RUNS OUT QUICKLY I DON'T EVEN HAVE 4G MY PHONE ONLY SAYS LTE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CALL MY HUSBAND IN GERMANY? MY HUSBAND IS IN THE ARMY! DON'T TELL ME YOU WON'T LET ME CALL MY HUSBAND WHO IS FIGHTING A WAR SO YOU CAN SIT ON THAT STUPID DESK JOB? NOW GIVE ME A FREE UPGRADE!"

"I'm sorry to hear that, Nicole. I'll see what I can do."

"GIVE ME A FREE UPGRADE OR I WILL SWITCH CARRIERS!"

"I'll see what I can do."

First week of October 2013.

"Hello, Nicole?"

"Yes?"

"I have checked your order status and it says here that the phone has just left one of our distribution centers, and it should be on its way to you."

"BUT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR FOUR DAYS!"

"I'm sorry to hear that, Nicole, but delivery times usually takes five to seven business days."

"CAN'T YOU MAKE IT ONE DAY? I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR FOUR DAYS!"

"It's out of my hands, unfortuna--"

"DELIVER IT TO ME TOMORROW OR I WILL SWITCH CARRIERS!"

"I'll see what I can do."

Second week of October 2013.

"Thank you for calling VS&T my name is Char--"

"YOU SENT ME THE WRONG PHONE!"

"I'm sorry, uhh, can I have your acco--"

"YOU SENT ME THE WRONG COLOR! YOU SENT ME THE WRONG SCREEN SIZE! YOU DID NOT SEND ME A STYLUS! YOU ARE SO STUPID! WHAT KIND OF COMPANY ARE YOU? WHY SHOULD I GIVE YOU MY HARD-EARNED MONEY AND MY HUSBAND'S SALARY FROM THE ARMY IF YOU CAN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND INSTRUCTIONS CORRECTLY? YOU ARE SO STUPID YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT GOLD MEANS!"

Third week of October 2013.

"How may I help you today, Nicole?"

"How come my iPhone is not yet activated?"

"Umm, you have to go to your nearest VS&T Store to have your phone activated."

"IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ACTIVATED UPON ARRIVAL! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO TALK TO MY HUSBAND? HE'S BEING FLOWN TO AFGHANISTAN AND I CAN'T TALK TO HIM BECAUSE YOU DID NOT ACTIVATE MY PHONE!"

"I'm sorry to hear that, Nicole, but that is our policy here at VS&T. This is so we can ensure that the phone is working properly--"

"IT'S NOT WORKING BECAUSE YOU DID NOT ACTIVATE IT! YOU MORON!"

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Okay... can you at least activate it right now?"

"I'm sorry, but we cannot activate your iPhone over the phone. You have to go to--"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T DO IT ON YOUR SYSTEM? ARE YOU THAT STUPID? IS YOUR COMPANY THAT STUPID? WHY DO I HAVE TO DO IT ON MY OWN? I DON'T HAVE TIME I HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE TOO MY HUSBAND IS GOING TO AFGHANISTAN AND I'D RATHER TALK TO HIM THAN GO TO YOUR STUPID STORE TO HAVE MY PHONE ACTIVATED!"

"I'm so--"

"ACTIVATE MY PHONE RIGHT NOW OR I WILL SWITCH CARRIERS!"

September 2014. Apple announces the iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus.

"Thank you for calling VS&T my name is Charlotte how can I help you?"

"I'm just calling to see if I'm due for an upgrade."

And your responses...

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