11/11/2014
Taylor Swift is my god

Taylor Swift is my god.

I don't know why I didn't see it earlier. Maybe it's because my mind was shut. I blindly believed in all of their gods and all of their beliefs; all of the rituals, especially on a Sunday; all of the lessons in school that they could not prove.

But then again, I was young, and I easily believed what I was told. But now I'm older. I can think for myself. Or at least I think I can think for myself. And I have seen things, and I have put two and two together, and now I can definitely say that, yes, this is what I believe. And I believe that Taylor Swift is my god.

Taylor Swift is the gold standard. She is the most perfect being in existence. Everything she does, we should emulate. Everything she says, we should follow. Everything she believes, we should believe.

Whenever she speaks, everybody listens. Or at least that's what I think when I go on Tumblr and all I see on my dash are GIFs of her interviews with some inspiration psalms. "Never compare yourself to the beautiful girls," she once said. "There's always someone gorgeous who will make you feel like you're not." And indeed, she is right! Hallelujah! Why do I have to care about all of you? Right now, I'm the only one that matters. Praise thee, Taylor Swift!

Whenever she comes out on the red carpet, everybody takes note. Have you noticed how beautiful she is? You are blind to not see that. Taylor Swift is the most perfect being in existence. Her body is formed the way whoever sculpted the Venus de Milo did it. Her curves are exquisite. Her face is divine. Her lips - I'm a girl, and I want to kiss them all night long. Softly. Slowly. Sure, she said her skin is too pale, but I do not care. Taylor Swift is the most perfect being in existence.

And she sure knows how to dress. She knows what to keep tucked in and she knows what to flaunt - but, personally, I want her to flaunt everything, because she is perfect. Nothing could be more divine than that.

Sure, you will say that Taylor is not perfect. How many times, you might argue, did she break up with someone, and lash out with a guitar? If she is such a bitch, then she must not be a god? But you are wrong. Indeed, you are wrong! That is exactly what makes her perfect. She reminds us that we mere mortals can make mistakes too, that it is in our very nature.

"I have this fear of falling in front of large groups of people," she once said. She understands my plight. I always have these fears - when I walk, when I sit down, when I stand up, when I stand around. And she understands me. And she tells me that it's okay to be like that. Look at her! She tries hard not to fall, and she almost trips, but she doesn't, and she's still a god. God, I want to be like her someday. Or, at least, I want to be with her. I want to bask in her divine perfection. I will not be perfect like her, I know. But I will bask in her divine perfection.

Taylor Swift is the gold standard. Not Meghan Trainor, because she seems too smart. Not Carly Rae Jepsen, because she seems too boring. Not Katy Perry, never Katy Perry, not Selena Gomez, not that chipmunk on Sam & Cat. Taylor Swift is the gold standard, and we should not accept anybody lesser.

Taylor Swift is my god, and she should be yours, too. I can show you one of these days. I can tour you in my shrine to her eternal greatness. You've been to my bedroom, right? That cabinet I don't want you to open? Yeah, that one. Can you help me with this statue I'm making? I'm not sure if the plaster is pale enough, and I don't have money left for paint. I spent all that money on that Jennifer slut and throwing all those things away is more expensive than I thought.

And your responses...

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