3/28/2016
So what should I do?

A friend once suggested to me that, once people get to spend time with me and know me, they will like me.

Well, it's a nice thing to hear, but right now I'm having another one of those moments. Perhaps, apart from my girlfriend and a few others - mostly people who feel obligated to at least tolerate me - nobody really likes me.

Once again, I wonder if there's really something about me that people will never, ever like.

Maybe I'm too cynical, too pessimistic. I look too much into the negative.

Maybe I'm too loud, too intense, too strong when it comes to the things I believe in.

Maybe I'm too self-consumed, not really giving a damn about anybody else.

Or maybe they just don't like me because, well, they just don't like me.

It's just one of those days, really. I'm sleepy. If I sleep and wake up tomorrow it will all be fine. I will feel better about myself. But it still hovers over me, the idea that people really don't like me, that people are just tolerating me because of one thing or another.

I feel betrayed. What happened to me being glad about making new friends in the most unlikely of places? Now I'm questioning whether that even was the case. We can all play nice, after all, when the situation calls for it. Today you pretend to like me. Tomorrow, it's back to what really was the same old.

Maybe I'm too paranoid. I should stop being paranoid. It's not healthy, they say.

Maybe I'm too passionate. Tone it down. Dial it down.

Maybe I'm too easily affected by things. Dude, people don't care about you. Just don't care about them and you'll be fine! But maybe you should care about this. You're a human, not a robot. Have a heart, you idiot.

A friend once suggested to me that, once people get to spend time with me and know me, they will like me.

More often than not, though, once they do spend time with me, once they do get to know me, I go away with the idea that they still don't like me. That they never will like me.

Once in a while I'll ask, "so what should I do?"

The answer I'll get, more often than not, is, "why don't you change?"

And your responses...

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