2/14/2017
The paranoia of a boyfriend who's alone on the fourteenth

Tuesday night, the fourteenth of February, and I am home alone. My parents are on a date, and my brother is on a date.

And I am not.

Somewhere over the past weekend Shalla and I, somehow, mutually agreed that we won't go along with everybody else on the Valentine's festivities. Besides, we're both running low on funds after going on a week-long trip to Taipei. (Hopefully I get around to writing about that. I'm just writing this to get drowsy, so I can sleep early before driving to Clark.)

But, well, I'm alone, and I can't help but be paranoid. I have this feeling that a lot of people think I'm doing this wrong, that a lot of people are judging me because I have not joined the rush of people buying bouquets and chocolates and going to posh restaurants, like seemingly every single one of my friends who are in a relationship, or at least as suggested by my feeds.

Well, that began yesterday. I saw posts of couples eating in dimly-lit restaurants as early as last night. Avoid the rush, they say, implicitly. Today, of course, a lot more, for those braving the rush. Tomorrow, perhaps, the leftovers. Lots of photos of flowers and chocolates. "Oh, my honey is so sweet!"

Of course, those who have embraced their millennial-ness more went for alternatives to flowers. Dice for board games? What else is there?

And here I am, alone, and feeling very much paranoid. This isn't helping in my attempt to get sleepy.

I don't think much of Valentine's anymore. I don't see the need to do a big gesture on the same day everybody else does. But why, if you love the person already? Well, societal demands. Capitalist demands? True. We'll meet this weekend anyway. Date nights are out of the question because she's got work until eleven in the evening. Date lunches are out of the question because I have work then, too. And, again, we just like staying home, cuddling in between watching Produce 101, like we did last weekend. But I am feeling paranoid. Why do I have to prove that I love my hunhun in the most traditional way possible?

Not helping my attempt to get sleepy. Niko, you have to drive from five in the morning. You have not driven that long a distance before. And you actually wished for it. Go to sleep, now. This thing was never going to help your case, or whatever passes for it.

And your responses...

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