11/14/2017
Four words

A concerned individual has recently alerted us about potentially suicidal or self-harming comments posted on your account.

In difficult times, it may help to speak to professionals when you need someone to talk to, who can assist you in coping with your current circumstances.

Remember there are people out there who care about you more than you realize. Please take the first step and contact a therapist or visit our Safety Center for a list of organizations that can help, listed by country.

You are not alone.

First of all, to whoever told Twitter I was in a dark phase last week, thank you, I guess? Thank you, at the very least, for giving me a big laugh the following day.

I mean, this is ridiculous. Twitter cares? Twitter cares? Sorry. Not sorry. Something will always feel off when a social networking site tries to act like it understands you. You can't even get that degree of empathy from people around you - what more a social networking site?

"You are not alone."

That is one of the smelliest bits of bullshit I have encountered in my life.

Sure, people mean well when they say that, especially when they realize one is on the brink of offing himself and they don't want to carry the guilt of seeing it and not doing anything about it. I mean, what else can you do? We live for showing off how we care about everything; we thrive in showing that others care less about something than us. "You are not alone" is some sort of magic bullet: quick, efficient, does the job - the job of removing the guilt from your shoulders, the job of making you feel good about yourself.

But that doesn't really do anything to the addressee. It does nothing. What can those four words do? Are those four words supposed to magically make me realize that all my problems, all my despair, is just bullshit I have to wipe off? Are those four words supposed to make me realize that life is worth living, that I have friends who love me, that I can do all of this? BULLSHIT. FUCKING BULLSHIT.

Okay. Perhaps you do mean well. I mean, I'm just one guy who believes suicide hotlines are there to help not those who are on the edge, but those who are watching. You have me surrounded on that, and you can easily claim my head's messed up and I'm not thinking clearly. But, if you'll allow me, here's one piece of advice. (I know that sounds wrong, but that's the idiom we have.) When one's at that point, no hypothetical can assuage them. I will not care if you tell me you care for me. Those are just words, and at that point they bounce off us like polytetrafluoroethylene. If anything is going to make me reconsider, it's seeing, with my two eyes, that I am wrong. But then again, I'm already at that point. That means I've had years of seeing, with my two eyes, that I am right; that I am alone, that I am just a second option, that I am only needed when you will benefit.

I doubt you'll take that, err, piece of advice, because my mind is messed up and I'm not thinking straight, and you only mean well and you cannot be guilty of anything because you're not the one making drama in 140 characters (times two), but I have been on both sides of the equation, so at least there is that.

But, to whoever alerted Twitter, well, thank you for giving me a laugh, and something to write about. I'll save you the diatribe about why I, who's feeling really down, for lack of a better term, am the one who should be grateful.

Also, Twitter, "a list of organizations that can help, listed by country" - there is nothing on that list for the Philippines, the country I unfortunately call home. You tried to make me feel better, but you failed spectacularly. Do better. Do much more.

The night of my tweets, apparently, someone sent my girlfriend a message. She didn't tell me where, and she didn't give me specifics, but she told me that person berated her for being a bad girlfriend. That person suggested that if she was a better girlfriend, I wouldn't put myself on the edge.

To that person, I hope you have relieved yourself of the guilt of knowing you did nothing. But leave my girlfriend out of this. Tell me - are you truly happy if you have everything you wanted? What does that make those who make do with what they have? Clearly, you care little to know that my girlfriend, for all her faults, has been nothing but good to me. She has been very supportive and very patient. She has bent herself backwards more times than I can even imagine.

But there will be times when she won't be enough, the same way there will be times when I am not enough for her. Trust me. This happens with everyone, more so with the two of us, who have always felt alone in the world before we found each other - and only then did we feel just a little less alone. But it's not as if we don't try, basking in the knowledge that we have each other by default.

I think that says more about you. You do not have the privilege of knowing our reasons, and I'm afraid I cannot grant you that privilege, especially if you're just going to use it to affirm that you are better than most of us because you care about everything.

And your responses...

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