12/26/2017
Plot twist: there is no plot twist

"May the coming month bring you the plot twist you deserve."

So, inevitably, this infuriates me.

For starters, since when was a plot twist solely a positive? What do we call the moment when you get that dreaded phone call about someone you love slashing his wrists before going to sleep, never to wake up again? All right, that's real life, but on television, when you're led to think things are on the up, only for the rugged to be pulled underneath you - that is a plot twist, right?

Or maybe that's a cop-out, a cheat, an easy way out. I get that. Everything we consume is, and apparently should be, fan service anyway. Any theories about whether Michael Faudet is an actual human being, or just a figment of Lang Leav's imagination, must be consigned to the hater bin.

So, I am infuriated, if only for semantics' sake. We have romanticized everything positive that even a mere descriptor of an unexpected surprise is adopted as just another happy thing, accompanied by a happy happy song. And when the true meaning shines through (and yes, there is this thing about words changing meaning as time passes, like "literally" or "truth") it prepares nobody. The plot twist: I am not getting better, and I will not get better at any point; I am staring at nothing but darkness, and I cannot hit reverse, and all I have ahead of me is an abyss of suffering.

"May the coming month bring you the plot twist you deserve."

It's almost January, meaning I am going to see that avocado-bashed sentiment everywhere, only adopted to the coming year. And why not? A new year is a new start, right? Even if it isn't really, but hell, you're in control of your fate and if you want it to be a new start, it will be a new start, (so-called) God damn it. Never mind the reasons that thwart your every effort to truly take control. Never mind that only the rich and well-connected can afford to find their missing children. Never mind that your most successful friends, those very people posting happy snaps of their contented lives, are children of rich businessmen, or perhaps richer politicians. Oh, they were humble, sure, but you can't deny why they're there and why you're not. It's hard work, perhaps, but even that works better for the well-connected.

Plot twists are supposed to be a surprise, but more often than not you can trace your every happiness, or your every hardship, to something. We're just too lazy or complacent to do so.

But then, "plot twist" sounds like - well, is - something you see off a book, and wouldn't it be nice, your life panning out like a book, where the endings are happy and your ship sails (otherwise the writer gets ostracized online)? Never mind what everybody really sees, or at least thinks they see.

And your responses...

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