6/11/2018
But not for long

The past week saw two relatively high-profile suicides. I say "relatively" because, face it, not everybody cares about a handbag designer or a food writer; not everybody can claim to have a pulse about the worlds of fashion or artfully-shot and masterfully-written social documentaries with a touch of punk spirit in them. Still, high-profile enough to warrant an outpouring of grief inescapable enough to be noticed.

These being suicides - we know little about them, but the word itself just screams something visceral, "suicide" - there was that degree of urgency, the sort of thing you get, without really understanding what it is, when the reality of the situation hit home. Kate Spade lent her name to a fashion empire. Anthony Bourdain was known the world over for his essays and documentaries. Together they managed to link people together, whether it be through shared tastes, worldviews or aesthetic. All this success, and all this time they were battling demons?

Just goes to say depression can hit any one at any time.

Cue a similarly inescapable outpouring of concern. Faux concern, more like.

It will be a better day tomorrow. I promise.

There's always something to be thankful about.

Always remember that I am always here if you need to talk.

Yeah, I understand that it's cool to look like you understand how this mental health thing hits people. It's good to look like you're concerned. Sure, argue that I should not be second-guessing your concern. Maybe it is genuine concern. Maybe you do know stuff. But this routine gets more painful to watch, and more infuriating, with every outing. Have all this happen twice in one week and it just gets much more, you know, heightened.

And why shouldn't I be infuriated? These are all just words. Words of assurance do little to comfort anyone who's facing what seems to be insurmountable, especially when they hear it again and again, and all over again, and then, nothing. Always remember that I am always here if you need to talk. But not for long.

Now, before you go on about how I'm being a rain cloud of negativity - what a corny metaphor that is, huh? - let me elaborate. But nobody wants elaborations now. But then again, whatever.

One, it's not easy to talk, whatever your state of mind is. We're supposedly a generation of introverts who'd rather curl up with a book on this rainy day. (And most of us have a distrust of extremely aggressive salespeople.) Problems come in and we're not exactly encouraged to speak up, more so complain about it. "Keep quiet," you might have said, or you might have been told. "Keep your head down." It feels disingenuous to suddenly, because it's hip to look like you've got a grip on this, allow people to vent about whatever it is.

Since I mentioned introverts, remember the premise of small talk? Two, you can't just talk to anyone about anything. When I was down someone sent me a message, saying he'd be there if I wanted to talk to someone. I don't remember what I said, but I pretty much told him something along the lines of "I don't trust you enough to tell you my problems." ("You were pretty nice about it," he'd tell me this week.) You don't want someone you don't know to just come in with their problems. You don't want to just tell your problems to anyone, either. Well, unless you have a blog, like me - and that's proving, day by day, to be a bad decision.

Generally one thing we can all do is to be more human - to be nicer to each other. But then, humanity's foibles is the one thing that gets in the way. Let's be honest. Three, you just don't care about everybody. I don't blame you for it. It's not an imperfection. It's just the way we are. You're more likely to check in on someone you really care about - say, a close friend, or maybe, a crush, if you've mustered all the strength - than someone you begrudgingly added on Facebook and whose views you are merely tolerating, like, say, me.

Heck, I'm pretty sure there are some people who you secretly wished would just kill themselves rather than subject you to their moaning and groaning in 280 characters.

So what works? I don't know. I never claimed to know, in my defense. All I can add is that people who are going through someone are less likely to be swayed by words. Don't come in telling them perhaps the worst bullshit of it all: you are loved. I don't think there are three emptier words in the English language than "you are loved". Do you expect that to turn things around? What's the use of saying it if we don't really feel it? Like, you talk of how government speaking of change is empty, but you expect your talk of being loved isn't. It's one and the same.

It's infuriating, really. We all know not everybody cares, but when something like this - times two - happens, suddenly you turn around and go, oh, but we do care, talk to me if you have a problem, I'm here! And when someone does bite, you just sludge through it, because unfortunately for you, the one guy you wished would die is instead talking to you about how he feels ostracized at work by novelist types. But that's because you're a dork. Nobody likes dorks! I don't like dorks! I don't like you! Just kill yourself already, will you?

And then, don't be sad. You are loved. Just talk to me if you need to, all right? You are loved.

I see you. I know just weeks before you were all "depression doesn't exist, it's all a matter of being positive" and suddenly you're joining the chorus. But I don't blame you. It's cool to join this particular chorus. Makes you look more loving, more caring, more human.

And your responses...

I was expecting to see a suicide hotline sa dulo. Lol. Oh Niko why are u so pezzimistic?! The world needs more oPtiMiztik people out there to drive away suicide tendencieZ!!

Lol @ the ff:
- Cue a similarly inescapable outpouring of concern. Faux concern, more like.
- It will be a better day tomorrow. I promise. (Nope, it will not be)
Tapos, definitely a NO for people who you want to talk to you: Always remember that I am always here if you need to talk.

Nuh-uh-uh-uh. Words won't work with me. Hanggang salita lang yan eh. Unless they come and show up, maybe I'll change my mind. :))

Anyway, thanks for the realistic views on this suicide thing. :)) I'll go out and continue my fit of a laugh.

Anonymous Anna6/13/2018     

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