7/30/2005
A lot of thoughts within six hours

I still am amazed by what has just happened.

Simply said (and I'm the last to announce this probably), we won the Dance-a-Parable contest. We were fourth, but who cares? Just when we thought we wouldn't get in - and, consequently, would never win - we tied with another group for fourth place and won ourselves one and a half thousand bucks.

We were already thinking we wouldn't win first place. Fifth place was my best expectation (or none at all) but somehow, within our last rehearsals, we began to do well. We were just dancing the way we were supposed to. Maybe it's because we were the first to perform last night (I thought it was because of our sudden inclusion), but who cares? We won fourth place.

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7/28/2005
The owl among the party animals

Somehow I made it home today. I practically stayed at La Salle for more than twelve hours. The moment I stepped into my house I immediately chowed down on one of my ultimate favorites - putanesca. Yummy.

I was reading the newspaper today, and since it's a Thursday, there's the food section. I almost forgot I have to sleep early. There was the article on Brooklyn's Pizza (which I've never tried), then there's chocolate pizza served up at some hotel in Ortigas, and then - extremely relevant because we just talked about this earlier - a recipe for Soup Number 5. I ended up eating too much pasta my stomach can handle before I sleep.

Anyway, I was at school for a long time because of the general rehearsals we had to go to for the Dance-a-Parable contest. The block almost went out humiliated because we didn't get enough practice with the edited music (we were doing it on the actual stage with the other sections looking), but a little pep talk turned out to do wonders for the class. Now we believe we can do it pretty well - but not yet everybody is convinced we can win this thing. Not even me.

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7/27/2005
Is confusion a state of mind?

Like my last post, nothing new really happened. It's only that, well, I've been doing pretty much nothing, except for a little panic pang when something comes up.

I haven't voted yet for the frosh elections, because I have no one to vote with. I actually agreed with Les about this last night. I wonder if they've already voted.

The rehearsals earlier was practically a failure for some of us. I mean, if two groups are missing, then how are we supposed to practice the updated steps? Even worse, the most important people didn't show up. To think that they were promising on the block message board to attend the rehearsals - and then they wouldn't. So the ones who basically were sitting there waiting for people to appear - me, Dian and Lau, probably - were just sitting there, watching, and trying to figure out what will happen next.

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7/26/2005
Ten days

Nothing new happened, really, so I'm gonna pace this thing up.

We got into the Dance-a-Parable finals, which we didn't expect. I think not everybody wanted that to happen. But we're in - so we have to work around it now.

We are doing pretty good in that Anthropology report, but I feel like I'm not contributing much because Clarence, it seems, is doing most of the work. But I'll pull something off (I think).

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7/26/2005
Friday afternoons and Tuesday mornings

Finally, Tuesday. Something must happen now - I'm in school, and although I like vacations a lot I've been dumped to boredom. Even my (used-to-be) trusty PC is failing me because it's not producing inspiring music combinations (who would want to hear The Mongols' Heroine side-to-side with Guy Sebastian's Angels Brought Me Here?) - and YM doesn't want to install. How am I supposed to enjoy my vacation with that? Okay, I'll have my PC fixed.

Last night I was basically preparing for class. I never saw myself doing that, really. I was putting my books and notebooks in the right place, and then I found out when I arrived to school I forgot to bring my bottle of water for the journey and my jacket, which Baba (sometimes) sorely needs. Before that, I was texting Kizia - and literally eating her remaining credit up, which she could have used for her trip back to Manila if ever something happens. I didn't really get what she last said until I read it again. I actually asked her to save that last peso - without realizing she already spent it on me.

And now, I'm at Netopia again, alone after trying to wait for some people (err, probably Clarence) to eat lunch so that I can eat with someone. I finished eating at Z2, then Kizia, Clarence and a few others arrived. Funnily, whenever you try to do something nothing always happens. Like this - and a lot others.

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7/25/2005
Shutting down

I wasn't online for the weekend and suddenly I feel I missed out on everything. For starters, a lot of updated blogs. Jackie even had a new layout.

I like vacations, but somehow I don't want to be left behind on everything. I went to our Yahoo! group and saw a lot of messages on a suddenly rushed requirement for the Revelation contest. Last Friday we were discussing about what we thought were our strengths and weaknesses regarding our final output. Sister Pinky was saying (I think) we were not faring well against the other sections.

Then that night Sister Pinky was texting me. "Direct threat," she said. There was another section with a similar parable and a better performance. "Please convey the need to practice and edit immediately for the finals." I told Icka that, and she simply said: "We're screwed."

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7/22/2005
Conflict resolution

Yah, I got the message loud and clear. I didn't realize it until I finally took the time to read up. Probably now you're pretty mad (or maybe I'm just exaggerating myself), and for that... I'm sorry. Once again.

Maybe I should have really controlled myself. But, yeah, I know I shouldn't have and I will not, presumably.

Anyway, after Tapat did their second round of convincing, Santugon did their turn. Last night I asked Les to give me her campaign pitch through YM. And so she did. She was telling me about all of the acronyms and terms that were really confusing me (despite all of the mention from my Santugon blockmates). That, for me, is a development in the election process. (Nothing here occupying my brain. You can actually hear the crickets. Haha.)

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7/21/2005
The shoot-to-kill order hasn't worked

Happy birthday, Ian. You treated us to doughnuts again? Well, my mind was on something else.

I was looking at one of those chain romantic posts on Friendster (from, finally I remember, Jeri) that tell you how romantic you are and you should repost the message within two minutes if you want the answer to number eleven to fall in love with you.

Actually, I don't believe in these things. I didn't even choose an answer for number eleven.

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7/21/2005
How many more degrees?

Someone else apparently found me on Friendster. Apparently her identity just can't register - but, again, I think I remember her. So, for now, I'll post a link to her blog, wishing that I really remember her correctly this time.

Apparently, some of my classmates from SBCA just don't ring a bell anymore. But I think she does.

This is another weird day. For the third time, we don't have Politics class. I am actually beginning to miss those classes when I turn to intelligent mode, blabbing about everything I've watched on BBC World. But then, I've wasted precious time waiting for class to begin - not to mention the psychological turmoil I went through while waiting for my blockmates to come.

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7/20/2005
A message to my good cry baby friend

I was a cry baby. It's just that, well, I stopped doing so because people were saying that crying is bad, and it's a sign of being weak and gay. So, all those things I wanted to cry out remain suppressed.

But, well, you decided to cry it out, and that's good. Release actually works wonders for everyone.

But enough of the crying part.

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7/20/2005
Watermelons in metamorphosis

Finally, a short Wednesday - but not after a (wishfully short) meeting with TeamComm regarding the ABS-CBN studio tour. I almost wore a yellow shirt (although I wish to remain politically neutral) until I realized it was in the wash.

So I'm making a statement by wearing a black one. You know, the one that says denim rebel. Go figure.

I actually remembered what Regine told me during my second depression wave (when everybody thought I would actually commit suicide). I'm like a rebel, she said; I figuratively refused to "be one of them". So I wondered. Is this actually my personality?

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7/19/2005
Coincidentally blue

We're finally done. Finally, no more late nights commuting from La Salle to home.

Although I still have my reservations regarding the entry our block has created (remember my extremely pessimistic mind) I think we have done a pretty good job. Sadly, the five days or so that we spent practicing and shooting has led to people feeling bad about each other. Go figure.

Well, this isn't surely the intended result, right? Let's just patch up and we'll surely get it.

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7/18/2005
Looking for one honest response

Last night I finally watched Pepot Artista, after I accidentally popped a pimple in front of Icka and Malia. I was bleeding, and I ended up not pushing through with my plan of talking to the film's director, Clodualdo del Mundo. I instead shook hands with the lead, Elijah Castillo. Wonder if he gets the zits?

The movie ended up winning the Best Feature-Length Film award, and so after we came out from the theater someone announced it to us, we clapped profusely, and I saw Epy Quizon. Before that I was pretty much starstruck. I saw great (although barely recognized) acotrs like Noni Buencamino, Pen Medina and Lou Veloso. Oh, and the vocalist of Radioactive Sago Project.

The movie is really funny (and still relevant, considering the time it took for this to finally develop), but I just can't explain it in writing. As everyone has been saying, you have to watch it to understand it fully. But really, it's funny.

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7/16/2005
Lessons over cheese doughnuts

Basically, I didn't have any practice yesterday. Someone was setting something up at the Yuchengco lobby and only the cheerleaders had rehearsed their steps. Today, they're inviting us to go there, but I decided not to go because, first, I live pretty far away, and second, I'm dead tired but I stil have to do some assignments. Besides, Jason told me to rest.

Which leads me to what happened yesterday. I was waiting for an aircon bus (I won't take ordinary buses) at the South Gate until Jason came out inviting me to go along. That night, I was introduced to Cello's Doughnuts - and to my first actual night out.

There were seven of us in that little expedition - along with us were Sudoy, Ian, Lau, Cuyeg and Ale. That last fact technically sent shivers down my spine. I was walking down Taft Avenue thinking why I am doing this? I have to go home!

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7/15/2005
Do you think you're cool?

Critical Thinking class has ended early, and so I'm currently capitalizing on the roughly hour-long break to blog and post a picture I've been itching to post - for all the obvious reasons.

We're going to have another batch of rehearsals today - and I'm gonna arrive home at around 21.00 today because of all the delays. We're somehow redoing the whole thing since the big guys finally realized that something seems wrong. Actually, me and Kizia talked about it yesterday (and here goes another transcript):
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7/14/2005
Maintaining your halo is hard

My mind is on a market economy system. My brain cells are free to decide on what to do - which explains the aura of weirdness that surrounds me - but, as a downside, it undergoes a continuous cycle of boom and bust.

Again, I'm on bust.

Something hit me as the day went on. I suddenly compared myself to an eternally discontented butterfly that just doesn't know where to go. Today I talked to too many people - which is supposed to be a positive thing - but when I see people just sticking together, well...

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7/14/2005
These arms will not be taught to need another's

Let's just say things are going well.

My English presentation - involving, well, a CD player, a burned but skipping CD of A Perfect Circle (through Kevin) and my Missy Higgins CD. I played tracks from the two (although we had to cut short The Outside because, well, it's skipping) and tried to ask for reactions from the class. My topic was music therapy, but it seemed to be more of a music discussion show (like Roundtable). We were talking about all sorts of reactions from the many blockmates present.

And, yey, someone liked my report. All the time I thought it would be boring considering the Missy Higgins song I chose to play (obviously The Special Two) would make the best of my classmates sleep. I unknowingly struck a chord: the sentimental chord.

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7/13/2005
Our block's own pep squad

LR19 has its own pep squad.

I don't know, but maybe the fact that all afternoon I was hearing a snapped-up copy of Gwen Stefani's Holla Back Girl while most of the women in my links list - in alphabetical order, Ale, Ariane, Caresse, Dian, Jaja, Jana, Jackie, Jessica, Kaymee, Marcia and Sara - do those dance moves that remind me of that Purefoods ad. You know, the one that goes seniors, seniors...

I'm actually divulging too much now. Anyway...

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7/13/2005
Feel good stories

I haven't posted yesterday, since it seems like I don't have much to say but the things that came with, well, that thing. But now, I realized, I had a lot to tell - some you might not notice, or understand, or even know. But still, they are feel good stories (for me, at least)

First, I was put on air on last Sunday's Final Countdown (on the Magic, of course, since I was growing tired of listening to the same ten songs every morning on RT) when I was voting for the Kaiser Chiefs' Everyday I Love You Less and Less. I ended up losing the vote when the new Gorillaz single got played. But what the heck - I didn't expect anyone to listen except for the people I barely know. Then again, Ariane just told me last Monday she did hear me on radio.

Like, I've been on air, on RT, for five times.

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7/11/2005
Suspended in the middle

Get me a padlock and help me swallow the key. I'm gonna close this door now. Finally, closure is coming.

We're finally talking. Well, not really - but when I thought it was all over I realized she responded when I greeted her a good morning. Then, it was back to normal - but I was too busy thinking about pessimism that I didn't realize it's all okay.

So, who was I talking about for the last few posts?

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7/11/2005
A thousand paper cranes wouldn't make it

First things first. DLSU won by a freakingly comfortable margin against, well, the people from the other side of the city. (Okay, Ateneo.) I didn't expect that we would lead by as much as thirty points and then go on until the fourth quarter, when we led by eighteen. Like, this is our first game. Where is the excitement?

Second, well, I am still freezing like hell. You know what I mean.

But again, I am not that bothered anymore. It's just that I just can't make decent paper cranes (I gave up after the third step) and, together with the anxiety of whatever is supposed to happen today, well... I got myself in a bad mood.

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7/09/2005
I'm not going to watch tomorrow - will you?

I won't blab about last week for now, until maybe when things start to go wrong (or weirdly right). Right now I'm bored because the weekend's been a time warp. Nothing's happening. It's just, well...

Yesterday I summed up all my guts and sent the apology at midnight. I wonder if she received it?

I was really tense yesterday I actually shouted in the hallways of Miguel Hall during Critical Thinking class. Then I went home, and it felt like nothing happened.

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7/08/2005
Peaceful coexistence

Peaceful coexistence. That's pretty impossible - thinking that nations aren't agreeing about things despite the many things that have to be talked about. Just here, just now, secretaries resigned expecting the president will resign too.

We can't just all agree about things.

In my case, I can't agree with myself. You all know the news (if you've read the past few entries then you have an idea), and now I don't know if I was just forced to admit that just to set the feeling free. When I'm supposed to feel happy because, finally, I can live without much in my chest. Then, this.

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7/07/2005
So much for keeping it

Go figure. Cuyeg just told me that. And this post will probably give you more clues. But I don't think it matters anymore. She knows it anyway.

Just when I was trying to tell her he would tell me it would be senseless because, well, she knows already. And maybe it's because today's something.

Oh well. I just like her. Nothing else.

7/07/2005
Something that hasn't got anything to do with it

Well, at least, that's what I plan to do. So, if you've been observant enough, you must have understood another side of my freaking twisted mind.

Well, today's Anthropology reporting day, and I've never felt so bothered. I don't think I can pull it off, Last night I spent all night typing the report while doing everything to make it everyone's. From 20.00 I was texting Lau, Jom and Kim - and I was getting frantic because not everybody is replying. I went to Lau like, "Lau, sumagot na ba sa'yo si Ale? Di pa siya sumasagot sa akin eh...", and she would go, "hindi pa..."

Last night I was battling sleepiness just to create a good paper. Then, when I come to school, I feel like I didn't do well.

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7/06/2005
To the nine people who have figured it out

I am opening up so that she doesn't disturb me any longer. I've had many crushes, yes, but there are only a few who have a far bigger impact I end up doing nothing but curl up and suck my thumb. (Well, not really.) So, for the nine people who found out either through yesterday or today... let's just not spread the news any further or we'll end up having everybody but her knowing the news.

But what was funny about the nine or so conversations I have nursed is that they're all curious about everything I have said.

More importantly, however, it was an insight into what I really am (well, partly).

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7/05/2005
Almost out in the open

She's made it into the light.

Finally, somebody knows about that insecurity of mine. Now I'll presume it'll fade away normally.

But, as always, it'll take a long time for me to finally say I got through it and I just would survive with that little detail back here. However, I have one question: should I tell her?

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7/05/2005
Back to square one

I did appear on TV. I just didn't see it.

So, after me and Marcia had a probably unceremonius appearance on the nightly news, and then John and Lau pinpointing that we did appear on it, I ended up feeling a little bit bad. I didn't see it. So much for celebrity.

Now I realize the importance of sleep. I took the Revelation midterms and I got a score of fourty-four out of eighty which, by my standards, is incredibly low. I ended up sleeping at 23.00 (but not after disturbing a lot out of Caresse, who happily acted as my support group).

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7/04/2005
Asterisks, accents and that killer smile

"Sabi ng pamunuan ng La Salle..." and so began the link. I don't expect being shown on it, however.

Marcia, I'm sorry I'm telling this. You see, she was incredibly star struck upon finding out ABS-CBN reporter Aladin Bacolodan is in the school, doing a report on my alma mater's advertorial yesterday calling for President Arroyo to resign. I never got to be interviewed because I wasn't sitting in the benches between the Yuchengco building and the amphitheater.

So she was asking me to get her an autograph. I was equally star struck (so if you see me in that link passing by on TV Patrol World then tell me) but all I can volunteer is to accompany her when she gets it. But she ended up shying away (now I'm putting her to shame, unintentionally) until she got an excuse to leave: Kizia and her gang's waiting. At the same time, Aladin and his crew wrapped up the shoot (that's the closest I can think of) and left the place.

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7/03/2005
A lot of photos

Sudoy posted those photos from Be[wild]ered... and here they are. At least some of them. The whole thing is split in two photo albums. One here, the other here. I and Sudoy snapped them both. Run over the photos to see my captions.

Weird snap with me and Jana. She thinks I love her. (That's actually a joke.) Image hosted by Photobucket

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7/03/2005
Whatever it means, I'll take it as a yes

"Kidoxe."

I didn't understand what Ale was trying to tell me, but that word (after a little chat about transportation to Racks El Pueblo) started what possibly is the longest day (and night) of my life. It's even longer than Christmas.

Yesterday, as we all know, was Be[wild]ered, a little event that we had to go to - we were supposed to do an ethnography paper on that, especially on the fashion show. All of us were expecting a theme to that (hence the emphasis on the word wild in the event title), but some of us ended up disappointed.

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7/01/2005
Walking off the corridors with someone

Another lesson learned. Give yourself a little delay and take the risk.

It always is lucky for me if Jaja sits besides me because at least I feel comfortable. It also helped that it was Critical Thinking, which is a normally noisy class, and you just can't help (for some) to listen to Professor Timbreza as he explained the Laws of Subcontrariety.

At least I have some people to talk to when I am trying hard to listen in class (somehow I manage to do both - because my elementary classmates said I had my own world, doodling on bond paper while making imaginary newspapers, and then I understand everything). Dian, for example, tediously goes through all of my political views (just kidding), while my seemingly random seatmates in Critical Thinking (but usually Jaja and Sara) give me a little reason to listen. (They usually ask me, so he said what?)

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7/01/2005
Walk off the corridors alone

Oh no, not another sad post. But the irony is that when you have a good day you always expect the next to be as good. But today, it's back to normal.

Although yes, they've begun to notice me (at least a little bit) and they're waving at me like I was part of their gang, I somehow feel I haven't done a few things that I've actually wanted to do. I have a lot of things to say and yet there's no venue to do so.

One more point there. I don't want to talk to an empty audience. So what should I do again?

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