I remember telling Les a few things when I found out Dian has left the block. "Mawawalan na ako ng kausap," I said, since we had the few politically-related chats since we became seatmates in Politics class. She (err, Les) was quick to say she's there if I need someone to talk to - and a lot of others as well. And yes, that's true - I've been talking to a lot of people lately.
Since the second term began - weirdly - I've talked to far more people than I ever expected, in far more issues, with far more respect. (Seriously.) I don't really know - I just realized I would end up saying the same things all over again - but, considering how intimidated I got last term, this is a huge improvement. Huge improvement. Despite the post where I wrote about everything I've learned the last term, I still come in to school and think, here we go again, don't let yourself get affected by what you see. And yes - I am affected by what I see. Overaffected, in fact. But, thankfully, I got myself over it.
So, for now at least, it doesn't matter if we were conflicting shirts or something - even though I'm not supposed to notice that, anyway, since it feels utterly wrong.
Let's see - if in the previous term, I just chat with the usual people (no offense meant) - Jason, Icka, Kevin, Huey, Ian, Malia and Sudoy - now I talk with far too many people in the weirdest of situations. For example, me and Kizia used to talk only during Art Appreciation class (and only when she has a question to ask); now, we do talk a bit more, even if it's only when we sit beside each other (and in a few other isolated cases) - and it's gone a little bit senseless. Think of this (I'll try to remember as much as I can from that conversation):
me: So, how long are you here in the Philippines?That's already a feat for me. I mean, I never thought I would handle a conversation as decent as this. But wait - I did have a conversation like this with Les, if only a bit longer. Having that makes me weirdly giddy.
Kizia: Umm... two years...
me: ...but you were born here?
me: ...but you spent basically your whole life in... umm... Fremont?
I also thought that I didn't lose contact with much of my friends, despite the sense of alienation I might have had with my blockmates (thinking of Ira right here). Also, the fact that I've been talking to a few more people (like Ariane, Clarence and, yes, Cuyeg's group) gives me a few chills (literally). However, I sometimes still feel like no one is listening to me - like I shouted out to the moon without anyone replying. My overreaction leads to me having a bad day over just that. Well, that was the case before.
I now wonder why I'm amazed - is it because I've long thought I don't have much of a personality? I thought of myself as an extremely boring person who can't cope up with a conversation. Right now, I think I'm the person they go to when they need help - and only that. Yes, I still get those cock-ups once in a while, and I do get in a bad mood still, but right now, with the feeling that people at least would thank you for tiring yourself and spending too much time on something - that's something basically.
Well, now that I've transformed a perfectly good blog to one that didn't make any sense, I have to do some research on globalization - and keep that poster off my head. I don't want to be constantly reminded, really.
Even if, of course, when you think there's nothing to it.