9/14/2005
Stating the obvious

If you're lucky enough, then you must've seen the original version of this post. I don't know - I just found that one full of nonsense and - should I say it? - very mushy. Don't worry - I'll just rephrase some parts and it's as good as the old one.

After a long class, I'm dead tired - and I'm hearing Joy speak in Chinese despite my MP3 player blasting through my ears. I think this term the whole block just got extremely bored with the routine (or it could be because it's still too early to know what we're going to go through in the next fourteen weeks). Basically, however, we've all gone in panic mode, which was very much unimaginable in the last term. Think about it - we're now having books photocopied, feet led to the library and yellow pieces of paper flying around with the hurry that I didn't see at the same time last term. I remember Kim telling me that it's all changed when I saw her and Lau by the xerox machines at the Miguel lobby. (Too detailed, eh? Right.)

Somehow, I felt like I couldn't suddenly answer anything in International Studies class. Although I never got called, I was waiting anxiously to hear my name and probably make a fool of myself in front of the whole class. I could have given a Politics class-like answer, but personally? I found Professor Marasigan a little bit intimidating. I thought I should have watched a little more BBC to get a bigger idea of things. In Rizal class, even, I found myself feeling dumb over a diagnostic test (which was actually a midterm exam for Professor Delupio's former class in CSB - and led to Huey blurting out the wittiest line I've ever heard). I almost forgot one of our past presidents - and felt less of an intellect (well, not really) and a Filipino in the process.

Also, in the weirdest ways, I had a bad mood throughout the day, and I later made up an excuse for myself. Well, I've forgotten that, but looking back I didn't understand why I even attempted to make a big deal about it.

If there's one thing that's been running through my head today, it's the fact that people have seemed closer since the start of the term - and, ironically, have gone distant ways. I don't get it either myself, but I got myself so preoccupied in that thought that I got lost in something. (Here's me careful not to do something stupid.) I don't know - I'm only certain I'm not making sense here - but now that people have reassessed and thought further about things, I end up thinking I'll not adjust further to more hurtful change that's certain to come in the future.

For now, however, I have collected enough courage to tell them that I'll miss them if ever they pursue that thing. I am immature and cannot ever change for the future. That I really know.

Well, after the dusty cloud has passed - my amazement at the iPod nano nonwithstanding - I'll simply trot off to say goodbye. If you did get me, then... congratulations, because only a few people really understand who I really am.

And your responses...

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