Pressure has somehow taken the worst of me.
As New York-bound Chris Moyles obliges and plays me Somewhere Only We Know, complete with the occasional connection interruption, I reflect back at the day and think I've had too much stress to wish a longer vacation. That, considering our Christmas vacation (or, as some Westerners put it, holidays) won't seem to be that long, and we've got a lot to chase with. the first draft for English 2 is due tomorrow, and our oral defense for History 1 has been extended yet again. I've got to deal with the pressure yet again, for a much longer time. And I don't seem to like it.
Today our International Studies quiz took a different turn and we got to do the essay part in advance. Somehow the identification part of the quiz (err, long quiz) never got printed, so we had to settle with two essays worth twenty-five points each. Lucky me still had the chance to study for that quiz (but not one of Rizal's articles we had to read for the next class) and sensed I answered the thing pretty well. To think na nabati pa ako about the quiz previously, first by Y2K as she answered our survey, and just today from Jenn. And then we had a different teacher as Sir Marasigan had to attend an emergency department meeting. Nawindang ang mga latecomers.
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11/30/2005
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11/29/2005
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Yesterday was excruciatingly tiring. I slept all day today, but I had to stay up all day. Ahh, conflicts.
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11/26/2005
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I didn't realize there was such a word as snirtle and, thanks to John, he opened my eyes up a bit. Oh, and the profanity is switched off on your side but switched otherwise on mine. (Remember this post? I could have written the entire line but replaced it instead with asterisks.) Oh, and snigger isn't going to be blocked on CBox, unless you do remove the first letter. In short, you didn't have to put it in asterisks. (Here's me, well, thinking deeply.)
Anyway, the profanity filter in CBox, to the best of my knowledge, requires the premium subscription. Of course poor me couldn't afford it.
I only have one day for a weekend, but additional rushing requires me to not enjoy it. Today we had the International Studies make-up class, with the realization that our long test for Wednesday might as well serve as the final exam due to the sheer depth of coverage, plus the PNPRS lecture which literally made some people sleep. (But, as usual, no names.) So, I wake up at around six and grumble for the fact that I've got to go to school today for quite a longer time than intended.
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Anyway, the profanity filter in CBox, to the best of my knowledge, requires the premium subscription. Of course poor me couldn't afford it.
I only have one day for a weekend, but additional rushing requires me to not enjoy it. Today we had the International Studies make-up class, with the realization that our long test for Wednesday might as well serve as the final exam due to the sheer depth of coverage, plus the PNPRS lecture which literally made some people sleep. (But, as usual, no names.) So, I wake up at around six and grumble for the fact that I've got to go to school today for quite a longer time than intended.
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11/25/2005
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Just when I thought things would get any worse, it just didn't.
Last night I tried my best to cram everything we've learned in Algebra class within two classes in less than three hours, and believe me, it isn't recommended. Then, I've got that International Studies paper to work with, and I again slept at midnight (well, past midnight). I was online last night and I was throwing my complaints of the day to Clarence (as usual). Then, I overslept, so every chance of me rereading my notes in the morning went into dust.
All I remember was my mom waking me up at 08.30, ideally the time for me to take a bath. Imagine me rushing everything without forgetting anything. Well, I didn't forget anything - Derek's CD, Jason's plastic container where the ice cream I consumed two days before was placed, and my reminders to buy a test booklet and borrow a calculator. That little bit of alertness did help, because...
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Last night I tried my best to cram everything we've learned in Algebra class within two classes in less than three hours, and believe me, it isn't recommended. Then, I've got that International Studies paper to work with, and I again slept at midnight (well, past midnight). I was online last night and I was throwing my complaints of the day to Clarence (as usual). Then, I overslept, so every chance of me rereading my notes in the morning went into dust.
All I remember was my mom waking me up at 08.30, ideally the time for me to take a bath. Imagine me rushing everything without forgetting anything. Well, I didn't forget anything - Derek's CD, Jason's plastic container where the ice cream I consumed two days before was placed, and my reminders to buy a test booklet and borrow a calculator. That little bit of alertness did help, because...
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11/24/2005
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Pakupit muna ng picture, Kim. Puwede?

Then Nico wears this around his neck and, with a bouquet of flowers, waits at the L'Hermitage for that girl's Saliksik to finish. What happened then?
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Then Nico wears this around his neck and, with a bouquet of flowers, waits at the L'Hermitage for that girl's Saliksik to finish. What happened then?
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11/24/2005
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Starting today, the block splits up. We've enrolled, and as much as it hurts us, it's got to happen.
With the realization that it's impossible to cross-enroll for English 3 - a class which only a third, possibly less, of the block has received slots for - the fact that we've got nothing to do but split up is becoming all too real. What was supposedly things that would be done together, well, isn't going to fruition. But, along with all the hype comes the acceptance that we will split up, and we won't see each other, at least within the same room, more frequently than before.
As with every other day, I've tried my best to make the most out of the remaining days. Luckily for most of us we've broken away from the sadness I somehow caused last week, and went on to live our lives as a block like normal. Except, of course, for the talks about schedules and slots. We've become a lot more serious with schooling, I've got to say.
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With the realization that it's impossible to cross-enroll for English 3 - a class which only a third, possibly less, of the block has received slots for - the fact that we've got nothing to do but split up is becoming all too real. What was supposedly things that would be done together, well, isn't going to fruition. But, along with all the hype comes the acceptance that we will split up, and we won't see each other, at least within the same room, more frequently than before.
As with every other day, I've tried my best to make the most out of the remaining days. Luckily for most of us we've broken away from the sadness I somehow caused last week, and went on to live our lives as a block like normal. Except, of course, for the talks about schedules and slots. We've become a lot more serious with schooling, I've got to say.
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11/23/2005
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It has been two days of random thoughts, regrets and smiles. It has been particularly confusing and disengaging, even. For some reason things have been weirdly something else. For once, I ruin my reputation and lose a perfect adjective for the past days. What then?
I wanted to call this day ice cream day since the ice cream we made yesterday, for Chemistry laboratory class, is ready for consumption. I had my share, yes, and it turned out to be too sweet but just right. Jason put in one whole can of condensed milk, with the justification that it's better to have too much sweetness than too little. Then, I almost had an asthma attack just because of that. I end up taking home one-third of the ice cream, since I was somewhere else when my groupmates claimed it. And I get to have it all by myself.
After that I, yet again, worked around Miss Ara's absence and coordinated more efforts to have the class finish something for English 2. Aside from the forced developments and unnecessarily huge amount of coins accumulated, it did feel like a rushed thing. Even worse, as much as I'd like to keep everybody in, it was another online enrollment day, especially for those who failed a subject here and there (apologies for the description). So I ended up not giving lates away.
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I wanted to call this day ice cream day since the ice cream we made yesterday, for Chemistry laboratory class, is ready for consumption. I had my share, yes, and it turned out to be too sweet but just right. Jason put in one whole can of condensed milk, with the justification that it's better to have too much sweetness than too little. Then, I almost had an asthma attack just because of that. I end up taking home one-third of the ice cream, since I was somewhere else when my groupmates claimed it. And I get to have it all by myself.
After that I, yet again, worked around Miss Ara's absence and coordinated more efforts to have the class finish something for English 2. Aside from the forced developments and unnecessarily huge amount of coins accumulated, it did feel like a rushed thing. Even worse, as much as I'd like to keep everybody in, it was another online enrollment day, especially for those who failed a subject here and there (apologies for the description). So I ended up not giving lates away.
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11/21/2005
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It was in July when I admitted to myself something else was up, aside from my so-called depression pangs and every disagreement I had with some of my blockmates. I guessed back then that the moment I acknowledge what I truly felt would end up with things going a little bit smoother. The concept of release had never been clearer.
Four months later, I somehow regretted over it. Somehow I got slowly disturbed and distracted, but today, after much reflection, I'm willing to close the entire issue. I guess it's time that I do so.
The last week was something of a revolution. Yesterday I talked to much more people than before, and somehow, since it was also last week that I got more comfortable with talking about the little admission way back, it somehow went up in the picture. It always cropped up in the picture. I couldn't say why, but still, it weirdly felt good that after all of the keping things in - which I did - I was telling people and I felt I was having confidantes within the context of whatever it is I wanted to say.
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Four months later, I somehow regretted over it. Somehow I got slowly disturbed and distracted, but today, after much reflection, I'm willing to close the entire issue. I guess it's time that I do so.
The last week was something of a revolution. Yesterday I talked to much more people than before, and somehow, since it was also last week that I got more comfortable with talking about the little admission way back, it somehow went up in the picture. It always cropped up in the picture. I couldn't say why, but still, it weirdly felt good that after all of the keping things in - which I did - I was telling people and I felt I was having confidantes within the context of whatever it is I wanted to say.
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11/20/2005
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There are just some things you're not supposed to react to. But, when things get so squeezed, you can't help but talk about it.
I remember our enrollment for the first term, back when everybody was still clueless about what we would face in college. I was falling in line and somehow chanced about what's written on the application form of the guy in front of me. He was running the papers of her daughter, apparently someone named Katrina, taking the same course as I am. Then, with my brightsparks, I almost decided to dedicate a post to that specific person, regardless of whether I actually know who that was. I was supposed to write about my anxieties in that new stage of my life.
Now that I recalled everything, I realize that girl was Kaymee.
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I remember our enrollment for the first term, back when everybody was still clueless about what we would face in college. I was falling in line and somehow chanced about what's written on the application form of the guy in front of me. He was running the papers of her daughter, apparently someone named Katrina, taking the same course as I am. Then, with my brightsparks, I almost decided to dedicate a post to that specific person, regardless of whether I actually know who that was. I was supposed to write about my anxieties in that new stage of my life.
Now that I recalled everything, I realize that girl was Kaymee.
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11/19/2005
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Just a random, short, sweet thought bubble.
I don't understand why I'm affected the moment I learned about this. Just earlier you took refuge in the fact that it has gone incredibly better, and then when you check back it seems like the complete opposite.
Good thing I've got this iron shield. Getting thrown with stuff does hurt, especially when they're really hard.
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I don't understand why I'm affected the moment I learned about this. Just earlier you took refuge in the fact that it has gone incredibly better, and then when you check back it seems like the complete opposite.
Good thing I've got this iron shield. Getting thrown with stuff does hurt, especially when they're really hard.
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11/19/2005
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The final classes have started really early. If someone's aware about it, CWTS class is basically over - at least, for phase one.
We were at Barangay Tagumpay again, and after a measly forty minutes spending time with our host family (Lola Choleng was sick, and Michelle was weirdly quiet), we presented what we have come up with: a tutorial project. Ta-dah. What makes it so special is that we're also doing a side project of fixing up the local library, so aside from adding a few books here and there, as well as some ETV tapes which would get there if (according to Jason) Huey's charisma to former home studio ABS-CBN still sparks, we'll be organizing the whole place and prevent it from becoming a dumping place of some sort. I looked around and was surprised at what they have there. Books on ancient history, economics, philosophy, and the occasional The Far Side compilation. Although not everybody really reads those, I thought they have a far better library than some others (which is supposedly the point).
Then, as we went home, it seemed all poignant again; our facilitator, Miss Rago, was giving us her Christmas greetings, and before we realized it the class is over for the term. (Well, not exactly, since Toni still has to work on the finalized project proposal, lovingly called Lasalette.) Along with a weird thing we saw along Aurora Boulevard, which freaked us out, it was a bit melancholy for some. But I was trying my best to hold back all of my emotions, rather than risk being too talkative for the day.
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We were at Barangay Tagumpay again, and after a measly forty minutes spending time with our host family (Lola Choleng was sick, and Michelle was weirdly quiet), we presented what we have come up with: a tutorial project. Ta-dah. What makes it so special is that we're also doing a side project of fixing up the local library, so aside from adding a few books here and there, as well as some ETV tapes which would get there if (according to Jason) Huey's charisma to former home studio ABS-CBN still sparks, we'll be organizing the whole place and prevent it from becoming a dumping place of some sort. I looked around and was surprised at what they have there. Books on ancient history, economics, philosophy, and the occasional The Far Side compilation. Although not everybody really reads those, I thought they have a far better library than some others (which is supposedly the point).
Then, as we went home, it seemed all poignant again; our facilitator, Miss Rago, was giving us her Christmas greetings, and before we realized it the class is over for the term. (Well, not exactly, since Toni still has to work on the finalized project proposal, lovingly called Lasalette.) Along with a weird thing we saw along Aurora Boulevard, which freaked us out, it was a bit melancholy for some. But I was trying my best to hold back all of my emotions, rather than risk being too talkative for the day.
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11/18/2005
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Rather, five weeks. As me and Huey thought, we've got to make the most out of the remaining time.
In between Robyn still not returning my Zen Micro - I should have remembered she is pretty forgetful - and Joy's eighteenth birthday, I was in the middle of depression and happiness. I tried my best to keep my head up, but I can't imagine the fact that I'll be alone all over again. So Huey had this little brightspark that somehow made me smile. What if, he said, most of the class who were disengaged off English 3 slots get in the same class, albeit in some other college, next Thursday?
But impossibility still works. It's me again, the person who keeps things at a freakishly negative low.
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In between Robyn still not returning my Zen Micro - I should have remembered she is pretty forgetful - and Joy's eighteenth birthday, I was in the middle of depression and happiness. I tried my best to keep my head up, but I can't imagine the fact that I'll be alone all over again. So Huey had this little brightspark that somehow made me smile. What if, he said, most of the class who were disengaged off English 3 slots get in the same class, albeit in some other college, next Thursday?
But impossibility still works. It's me again, the person who keeps things at a freakishly negative low.
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11/17/2005
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It's me again, the guy with the penchant for the overly-dramatic. And here comes another dramatic post. Yes, my name says it all.
I never got a decent slot in the eyes of heaven. In short, I ran out of slots for Miss Sangil's Literature 1 class. In fact, I ran out of slots for every Literature 1 class, as well as every English 3 class. Considering these two are prerequisites to majoring in communication, it just seems to be such a bummer. I somehow abandoned Loui and her circle of friends in the middle schedule-wise, and instead decided to go with Caresse. We were at the Cybernook when we found out Literature 1 was closed, and minutes later, just as we were fixing our English 3 schedules up, it closed down as well. Before that, some skipped English 2 class for enrollment, and the only successful person to get through her preferred schedule is Jackie. (Lucky girl.)
Yesterday we received many "server down" complaints, like I can do anything about it.
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I never got a decent slot in the eyes of heaven. In short, I ran out of slots for Miss Sangil's Literature 1 class. In fact, I ran out of slots for every Literature 1 class, as well as every English 3 class. Considering these two are prerequisites to majoring in communication, it just seems to be such a bummer. I somehow abandoned Loui and her circle of friends in the middle schedule-wise, and instead decided to go with Caresse. We were at the Cybernook when we found out Literature 1 was closed, and minutes later, just as we were fixing our English 3 schedules up, it closed down as well. Before that, some skipped English 2 class for enrollment, and the only successful person to get through her preferred schedule is Jackie. (Lucky girl.)
Yesterday we received many "server down" complaints, like I can do anything about it.
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11/16/2005
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Okay, so initially I did, but I just wanted to get that out of me.
This is, for the first time in six weeks, my first free U-Break. Along with that, priority enrollment was moved tomorrow, so I have to rush a little bit more tomorrow. Think about this: three quizzes and enrollment. The next thing we know we lose the slots to Miss Sangil's classes, probably the only class we all want to be in.
Also, since today's our confirmation, I won't get to study three subjects that thoroughly. All I can do now is shrug and wish things do go well.
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This is, for the first time in six weeks, my first free U-Break. Along with that, priority enrollment was moved tomorrow, so I have to rush a little bit more tomorrow. Think about this: three quizzes and enrollment. The next thing we know we lose the slots to Miss Sangil's classes, probably the only class we all want to be in.
Also, since today's our confirmation, I won't get to study three subjects that thoroughly. All I can do now is shrug and wish things do go well.
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11/15/2005
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Things are indeed going really fast. With around five weeks left before the end of the term (rather, six, including the finals week), we're again harried with a lot more stuff thrown at us. Within this week, we've got our first quiz in Philosophy, an oral defense to get prepared for (in Rizal class), and another quiz in Chemistry, this time on GMOs (which the party animals have debated on). Within four weeks, a lot more quizzes and a music video to shoot, not to mention our research paper for English 2. Oooh, a lot to do.
If something has happened to me this term, it's that it has taken a toll on my sanity. But, as that statement fails to suggest, it is on the positive side (or at least that's what I want to think). Yesterday was almost different - I claimed to have taken personally the two losses we had in volleyball, although the scores were still in the double digits (twenty-three and seventeen) - but aside from that little explosion, which didn't seriously materialize since I was just too hyperactive to think of things (but maybe that was the cause), yesterday went pretty well. I was confident I got a line-of-eight score in our third Algebra quiz, not to mention that I wore yellow for that exact purpose.
That day, after hanging out for a short while with some of the party animals, and seeing Kitchie Nadal once again (but this time we let her go, with the exact documentation received days ago), I saw the thing me and my groupmates in Saliksik (I just can't remember everyone, so I'd better not mention names instead) made. Front and center (well, not exactly). I am indeed proud. Yung sa amin lang yung galing sa block (or so I think). It's all about the creativity sometimes.
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If something has happened to me this term, it's that it has taken a toll on my sanity. But, as that statement fails to suggest, it is on the positive side (or at least that's what I want to think). Yesterday was almost different - I claimed to have taken personally the two losses we had in volleyball, although the scores were still in the double digits (twenty-three and seventeen) - but aside from that little explosion, which didn't seriously materialize since I was just too hyperactive to think of things (but maybe that was the cause), yesterday went pretty well. I was confident I got a line-of-eight score in our third Algebra quiz, not to mention that I wore yellow for that exact purpose.
That day, after hanging out for a short while with some of the party animals, and seeing Kitchie Nadal once again (but this time we let her go, with the exact documentation received days ago), I saw the thing me and my groupmates in Saliksik (I just can't remember everyone, so I'd better not mention names instead) made. Front and center (well, not exactly). I am indeed proud. Yung sa amin lang yung galing sa block (or so I think). It's all about the creativity sometimes.
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11/12/2005
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11/12/2005
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For the nth time, Kizia has got me thinking.
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on 10 November 2005 from Kizia:Why do you always get me thinking? Just wondering...
why are boys so complicated?! kakainis pag torpe. nkakainis rin pag madali silang ma-intimidate sa personality ng girl.
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11/11/2005
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So, how can anything (or anyone) ruin my day?
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- If the headphone jack begins to act up and ruin my favorite songs
- If people begin to show you proof that they had a better day than you
- If you realize you forgot to do something because you didn't have any idea of such
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11/09/2005
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I woke up, weirdly, at 08.00. In short, I overslept. I rushed somehow to get to school (it's terrible on a Wednesday, trust me), but I got to school earlier than expected, met up with Jino, and somehow got contractually bound to stay with him before International Studies class begun. As much as I wanted to leave and go somewhere else (yes, that's it!) I felt I needed to be polite for once. So there I was, stuck at Z2 with (basically) nowhere to go, and literally alone as the desk peppered with conversations about things I couldn't relate to.
I could go on and give you a long rant on not getting listened to (or me being uninteresting at that point), but I decided not to. Being in a little peace-making mood, I decided not to create additional enemies (and annoy further those present, if ever). So when they decided to leave, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. No offense, Jino, but I think you know what I mean.
(Now I wonder, why this again?)
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I could go on and give you a long rant on not getting listened to (or me being uninteresting at that point), but I decided not to. Being in a little peace-making mood, I decided not to create additional enemies (and annoy further those present, if ever). So when they decided to leave, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. No offense, Jino, but I think you know what I mean.
(Now I wonder, why this again?)
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11/08/2005
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This is another whatnot post, because admittedly I'm rushing to do some stuff and yet I decided to blog.
These photos and more on Fifth Year Holler. Four of the six (not seven). Think about it.

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These photos and more on Fifth Year Holler. Four of the six (not seven). Think about it.
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11/05/2005
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I seriously expected to get a lot of photos taken for today. Instead I got only seven, and to be honest I am disappointed. But it isn't really the story of the day.
Today's our pre-confirmation recollection - yes, one of the things me, Jackie and Ale have got to go to - and although it started around ten minutes late (at least, it began just ten minutes late), it was something discreet yet profound. Certainly what I needed. The stuff Sir Levi said was something I wouldn't have thought before, and it surely did help me in my spiritual development. (Now I realize I shouldn't be ashamed at talking about these things.)
Which means we were back at the L'Hermitage, place of the too-memorable Saliksik recollection three weeks back, and now with twenty less blockmates (actually, forty less, but seventeen more students) in two less hours, with everyone winning. (I took the cue from Les on this one.)
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Today's our pre-confirmation recollection - yes, one of the things me, Jackie and Ale have got to go to - and although it started around ten minutes late (at least, it began just ten minutes late), it was something discreet yet profound. Certainly what I needed. The stuff Sir Levi said was something I wouldn't have thought before, and it surely did help me in my spiritual development. (Now I realize I shouldn't be ashamed at talking about these things.)
Which means we were back at the L'Hermitage, place of the too-memorable Saliksik recollection three weeks back, and now with twenty less blockmates (actually, forty less, but seventeen more students) in two less hours, with everyone winning. (I took the cue from Les on this one.)
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11/03/2005
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Another one of those whatnot posts, just when you feel confused over matters and end up sleeping over them. We don't have classes tomorow - but we sure do have some today.
Yesterday I went home with Ariane and Jino, and I ended up paying their bus fare. (I treated them. Don't worry.) When I did that they suddenly felt obligated to give me something, but I figuratively refused. After what I wrote yesterday - additional drama, as usual - I felt like setting things free. And that's what I almost did.
In the middle of the trip Ariane found out all about the whole thing, and began giving me every adjective she could think of. Just funny.
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Yesterday I went home with Ariane and Jino, and I ended up paying their bus fare. (I treated them. Don't worry.) When I did that they suddenly felt obligated to give me something, but I figuratively refused. After what I wrote yesterday - additional drama, as usual - I felt like setting things free. And that's what I almost did.
In the middle of the trip Ariane found out all about the whole thing, and began giving me every adjective she could think of. Just funny.
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11/02/2005
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So, the very thing I feared would happen did happen. I felt disconnected, if not disconcerted. I arrived earlier since I anticipated heavy traffic; obviously I didn't want another Friday situation. I got so traumatized by that (exaggerated but true). After finally dropping off the books I returned (and thankfully I wasn't charged anything), I did nothing. Just nothing. Obviously two hours can get so boring.
International Studies was, as usual, populated with jokes and whatnot (since we are pretty much ahead of every other class Sir Marasigan handles), complete with what seems to be perfect timing. Then came the pre-confirmation seminar (and yes, I finally gave than piece of paper away), where we got this primer on what will really take place two weeks from now. I volunteered to do the second reading for the mass, along with fellow candidate Lei (who reminds me of Robyn), who's in charge of the first. Ale and Jackie volunteered to be - well - flower girls (and honestly, I find that weirdly funny), and come 16 November we'll be in some other outfit. Forgive me if I get too serious about it. PE class last term comes to mind.
Then, Rizal class. I've got to admit I barely learn anything in the third row. Seriously, I ended up almost crying - well, except that one - since all I can hear is the noise the back people usually produce. That, or I got extremely distracted by some other factor. Excuse me if I unintendedly devolved into some other mood earlier. Now it seems being disconcerted has been a phobia of mine.
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International Studies was, as usual, populated with jokes and whatnot (since we are pretty much ahead of every other class Sir Marasigan handles), complete with what seems to be perfect timing. Then came the pre-confirmation seminar (and yes, I finally gave than piece of paper away), where we got this primer on what will really take place two weeks from now. I volunteered to do the second reading for the mass, along with fellow candidate Lei (who reminds me of Robyn), who's in charge of the first. Ale and Jackie volunteered to be - well - flower girls (and honestly, I find that weirdly funny), and come 16 November we'll be in some other outfit. Forgive me if I get too serious about it. PE class last term comes to mind.
Then, Rizal class. I've got to admit I barely learn anything in the third row. Seriously, I ended up almost crying - well, except that one - since all I can hear is the noise the back people usually produce. That, or I got extremely distracted by some other factor. Excuse me if I unintendedly devolved into some other mood earlier. Now it seems being disconcerted has been a phobia of mine.
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11/01/2005
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Oooooh, it's November already. Tomorrow we're back in school but for now, better celebrate the last few hours of part one of the vacation we were given. Within the past three days all I did was sleep, sleep and listen to my Zen Micro. Trust me, as much as I want to get things done on the holidays I just can't. My bodily needs have come to the forefront.
It's telling me, "Niko, get some sleep." And when I wake up, it simply tells me, "get some more."
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It's telling me, "Niko, get some sleep." And when I wake up, it simply tells me, "get some more."
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