Fourteen conversations and counting

I feel oh-so-extra-sociable today. Take note, I actually felt bad for a while today - a second day in a row - but tonight I found myself linking to four more blogs and adding a lot more people in Multiply. And this has been happening for quite a while now - just yesterday Fermin added me up on YM after I added Chrystel up. A few days before I was digging through contact pages and added Reena up. And right now I just clicked on the link that would enable me to invite Danggay.

Back in high school there was a time when the number of friends on Friendster mattered. It was a fairly new thing, and Elaine and Chrystel were both trying to convince me to join. During that summer, wen both girls transferred schools (and the story, well, began), I eventually signed up and had the latter as, apparently, my first friend. There was a comparison with shampoo by then, for some particular reason. Now I can't understand why I was so attracted.

Back then, I was a fairly fumbly person when it comes to initiating things. Typing in Chrystel's email address in the user search field - I got that by texting her - meant the already-usual increased heart rate was in place before I could even in the fifth letter. I still get the jitters now - how I got people's email addresses becomes much more questionable - but nevertheless my Friendster page already has almost two hundred of them, some in two identities, some in groups, but nevertheless, they're collective nouns for nothing.

And so begins another endless rant. I mean, sure, you already know so much about the "numbers don't really matter" issue - I think one campaign pitch went for quality than quantity and it made a mark. And true enough, social networking sites do all but connect you with old friends, and there's no way of determining how these friendships (or, better, contact relationships, since they're merely electronic) stand. I wonder how many people keep their former friends as "friends" in Friendster - that was quite a mouthful - only to keep their numbers high, to feel secure about their social standing, and all that.

Since I drifted into a bad mood yesterday, I partly realized why my perceptions can be so wrong. So suddenly people weren't merely showing concern - they, at least, made me feel that they understand. True enough, I didn't get why I drifted into such a mood in the first place - maybe I'm just more irritative now since I've been exposed to chemicals and a lack of sleep - but somehow people were, for once, willing to let up with the beloved squeegee's death by multiple injuries. And today, Kris found herself actually treating me to handouts in statistics class, one act that used to be my domain for no particular reason. If only that appeared in Friendster - or Multiply, even.

Sometimes what's electronic doesn't amount to anything. Yesterday I did greet Chrystel a happy birthday - precisely the reason why I added her up - and suddenly I found myself in a fairly awkward position when she mentioned that she just graduated and she might go to DLSU and take up the same course as I am. That also doesn't get mentioned on the websites - only a shoutout box to indicate that she has a Multiply site, which is how I found my way back.

But this also reminds me of how meeting up with a lot of people could change the way you refer with them. Ultimately it's like becoming one of them except for the minutest detail - in my case, it's unusually enlarged, like the 8x10 ones most of us do - and eventually it all rubs off. When people eventually meet, especially when it's a case of adventurism mixed with excessive assertiveness, it becomes a way for things to show up. What happens next always remains a question. It all still depends on whether you'd let impressions lead your methods. That also doesn't get shown.

I therefore conclude - as Katia once said, "thesis ba ito?" - that all we have is a mask, and this is a big masquerade party. In television shows, this entails death in the cheesiest of possibilities, especially when the party is done on a picturesque high rise. Realistically, this all amounts to a huge dallop of cluelessness with a black cherry on top.

I actually still feel very sociable right now. Maybe this is the only way I do it without annoying anyone - who knows, right? - and right now I can't believe I haven't added up either Nadia or Mara to my list. And I'm doubting whether the others are the personalities that I know or not. The heart rate spikes up again, and images of affections suddenly flash in my head. Sometimes, I imagine, I cannot conclude how stupid I am at getting fascinated at these things.

And your responses...

o bakit nasali ako dito? haha.

Blogger Katia3/30/2007     

Post a Comment