Just when you want to go home

Today I am still running on batteries. After staying up for twenty-one straight hours, sleeping for the next four and realizing I'm still as awake as someone who's had espresso shot through his arm, I realize (again) that somehow, I've adapted. And yes, I was annoyed to find out that in the middle of my trip to school Jepoy forgot my calculator, which meant my school trip was, to say the least, useless. Or maybe I have him to thank because I somehow managed to discover an error in the code that I was working on early this morning for our final project in print production class.

Nothing much really happened. I ended up with Piyar first, conscious of the fact that I've got nothing to do, and eventually realizing I'm all too willing to help because of that. She's still got this research question with Jason that they (still) have to improve on, at least according to Miss Diaz. Like, why the hell should we care about blind guitarists? Of course, me being half-blind didn't help a bit, because even if I tried my best to make some sense out of "intrinsic motivations", I realize I'm not in their position to at least get a grasp of what they're up to. Different worlds, indeed.

School was open, at least officially, until midday. Tomorrow people will really start their exodus to the provinces for Holy Week, although I might spend it without any Internet access, yet again. In that case, the campus was barely empty, but nevertheless people were gone - I didn't have any class today, which makes it more irritating. And I wanted to see some people. Obviously it didn't happen.

Next up was, somehow, Steph. I did treat her to ice cream for precisely the same reasons I decided to help Piyar. Typing in HTML code at the desktop lab was probably the most confusing thing for some - I think Mimi stayed up until five this morning just to finish hers, which is weird because the deadline was a whole twelve hours later - and people were having headaches. Steph, for one, ended her shift with her head literally throbbing; mine was also the case earlier when I was putting italics on John's paragraph that was as long as a light year. She even pressed the home button rather than the refresh button at one point, and Kim found it cute, as well as the fact that she has 1133 unopened messages in her email inbox - we did miss her, for she isn't exactly a dark room regular like we are.

Eventually she left a third of the wafer cone in some table at the LS building. Elsewhere Flo was asking her about where she wanted to eat, and somehow it flipped into a (similarly) cute observation. Of course, she'd want to eat where the food tastes good. He'd retort, why would I bring you to some place where the food isn't? or something to that extent. Seven minutes later I found myself fighting through the rain - I was crazy enough to walk in it, much more in the middle of the street - and eventually Carlo would see me, from the comfort of the car he was in. The air conditioners are still cold, I guess.

I didn't like today because there wasn't any big story. It's as if nothing happened - only a waste of time. I did decide I won't go to the dark room today because it'll close early and I won't accomplish anything, anyway. It took me all of six hours to finish three photos yesterday (and in between, get myself cleared and meet Chichi Tullao along the way) and I feel like I'm the king of the world already, but not without wasting photo paper, getting some from Cots and almost depriving Paula of her share. The red lights do get to you - you see red, eventually. My mood still flipped, but at least because of a different reason - but I was that dangerous.

Just now, Reena sent me this. Sometimes you don't really have to be super nice. You can be at your antagonistic aura so that you can determine who can accept you at your worst mood and who rejects you when you're mad, bad and losing control of your real identity.

And somehow, it did fit. So much for reflection on my way home, with people wondering why I'm wearing the oft-unseen shorts-sandals combination, and me wondering why I still went against nature and walked in the rain. Or why I wasted a lot of money for essentially nothing. I was still wide awake to see something quite surprising on the television, though. I only took two hours of sleep after that. I'm supposed to be asleep now, but I'm still wide awake. I have adapted, really - like the way I was comfortable telling Piyar that I was actually kicked out of school at the lowest point in my life.

I guess I still have a lot of time to plug in that antagonistic aura and figure out whether the people I might love in the future are willing to love me back.

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