Doubt insecurity

I spent some time with Tracy before I went to my first class. I can't remember what we said, but we were asking something. Where has the old Miguel gone?

And, indeed, that question's probably a much-asked one. Since the Andrew building has been opened for everyone, unlike before when it was exclusive for the freshmen, I started seeing more alien faces. Sure, that's one thing to expect when another school year starts, but all of a sudden we're dumped with two years' worth of freshmen. As you may recall, last year's was the isolated one - as if they were given their own planet, like the CCS people - and I only met a percentage of them last term. Now we're given the backlog and the new dispatches, and they're populating every available bench, bleacher and canteen table.

But that's not my complaint. I'm not complaining, even - superficially I just had a hard time easing in, because I only saw really few familiar faces because half past eleven. As if it needs sinking it, we're already juniors! We're the old people. We're the "upperclassmen" who never seem to be there, but actually are there, running affairs that they only see published. It's just funny to see that the barrage of unfamilar faces could trigger such a reaction - and we didn't anticipate it, even. We've just ease in too early.

I only have one class on Mondays and Wednesdays, and since today's a Wednesday and today's the first day of classes, nothing much happened. I'm back to taking up philosophy, but this time I'm stocked with some more familiar faces - Shifty, Naomi, Abby, Melizza and Reena - and thus I can, err, recite with ease. Our professor didn't turn out to be Sir Gripaldo, as our (still faulty) EAFs state. Sir Unson, as some may well know, happens to be able to read comic books, watch the NBA, and still tell us philosophical principles, although there weren't any today. There only was the struggle to create a seat plan alphabetically, without any class list, nor idea as to who sits where. (I did get that right. I was daydreaming about that, but not with the person I wanted to sit beside with, honestly.)

And, after all the arrangement, and the accompanying hassle, someone arrives whose last name starts with A. Only one person didn't budge. And then another one arrives, and luckily, only Shifty had to move. But since some understand that there are seven more who have to go in this class - Jem speculated a few days ago that Charmaine and Trix would be my classmates here as well - and thus we still have to move seats. Maybe I end up in the second row, for all we know.

At this point classes have all resumed, and I still wonder why I'm bothering with typing in an entry on a fairly slow connection. Sure, age has caught up with us - we never fuss over it, but already we sense that it could be all over for us before we know it. Our flowcharts dictate that we graduate in two terms (and, according to the handbook, we actually have to ask permission from the Vice Dean if we intend to extend) and things get more crucial, as if our lives depend on it. That makes me panic - or is it just me who feels like this is all the time I get to prove everything to others, and more importantly, to myself?

Well, before I knew it I just scrubbed every possible feeling of insecurity I never expected to have until I got to things. Maybe I just need to ease in to school a little bit more - I did wait too long before I paid the bus fare. I still have to pay Reena forty bucks since I won't make it to tomorrow's batch assembly meeting. Well, I've got three classes tomorrow - two of them are majors - and maybe that'd kick me back to reality, that we have indeed grown old, and we're flooded with happy-go-lucky freshmen.

Trigger-happy? I'll shoot.

And your responses...

uhmm u really don't know me i was just blog hopping...i just love to read other posts because my fellow bloggers have given up the life of blog so i started to click on my friend's links...I do know Jackie but not personally...we just came from the same skul so i got ur link there...sori for the trouble i just want to comment on how u express ur point,u remind me of a friend of mine^^

Anonymous Anonymous5/25/2007     

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