School starts tomorrow in a rather different way.
It feels terrible. You come back and see that there's one thing that's gone terribly, terribly wrong. One detail. Yet we're supposed to live with it, right? Stuff happens. They move on and we stay. We go on as if nothing happened. We ditch those who sentimentally cling on to what doesn't exist.
And yet you don't exactly look forward to waking up anymore. You don't look for it, yes. It's been some overlooked detail; that's why people somehow quickly move on. You are an overlooked detail. I don't know whether people will still cry over your luck once we step back and feel that the wind blows differently. I know I probably only grappled with a calculator that's been with you for a longer time. And we didn't realize it both.
I'm not the type who cries easily. Of course. We were raised not to cry, or risk being tagged as not man enough, to be politically correct. But looking back at the handful of times we've actually shared something - I still remember the surprise we had at how close we actually became - I realize that you cannot be an overlooked detail. It cannot happen. You know how many times I said I missed you and meant it? It's been there every single time.
To be honest, I couldn't blame you if you never texted back. I thought you'd be someone arbitrary. Someone across the corner who I'd occasionally meet. But something happened. I don't know what, still.
I think you're used to me saying I miss you, right? I don't really want to say that again. Sadly, eventually, that status of yours becomes as blurred as my chances of making a living in the path I chose. You'll become arbitrary, somewhere else, a has-been, forgotten. Forgotten. I never would want that. I don't care if my being sentimentally clingy means I get tossed off this train - I'm not the one to forget. I hope you do remember that.
So I'll list down my notes tomorrow. School starts. One class, nothing to see really, and maybe I'll be home early. I'll still want to grab your phone number,though, since I actually lost it with circumstance. And it has been hasty with you, I know.
And yes, I really will never get to see you again.
You know I'll miss you. I hope I'm right in knowing that you'll miss me too.
5/22/2007
Niko Batallones writes The Upper Blog.
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