Lonely people

Something struck me when I walked from the office to the transport terminal last night. Perhaps it's because I was asked to explain what the last blog entry meant; as much as I enjoy seeing people peel apart the things that I write, having to explain them has become boring and repetitive. I've gone through those emotions already, as I wrote them; why should I go through them a second time? Anyway, you can blame the longer nights for the thought bubble, but I realized that, at least for the past few months, I've been writing about insignificance.

I used to think that all I can write is either a rant about this unfair world, or an ode to somebody I find myself falling in love with. It's unavoidable, as I've been doing them whenever it strikes me, but everybody else is doing it now, so I'm actually straying away from it. Maybe I've got a reason to be thankful: these new experiences bring me something new to write about. Nothing beats a new perspective, and nothing beats an observation that's pondered on very well.

Whenever I'm alone at the office - that's right after the conundrum, when the four other writers have left and I'm at my happiest and sleepiest - I find myself reading my not-so-old blog entries. It still gives me a kick, realizing that I've written about what now seem to be very trivial things. I laugh at the things I said, or at the things they said (and I quoted), or maybe at the typographical error that I decide not to change because nobody will see it anyway. Then I pieced everything together.

Within the past nine months, at least, I've written what's akin to a journey. I've had ditties about finding new friends, enjoying their company, and maybe the surprise that this happened anyway. I've had ditties about the small adventures that turn out to be bigger than they seem, and everything else that happens in between. I've obviously had ditties about girls - I'm a lonely person, after all - and how some manage to fascinate me. "Fascinate" seems to be my new buzzword.

But, as Alicia Keys sang, "what goes up must come down." In an effort to balance the world, I get forced to write ditties about losing friends to the wind, about how busy we can get, and how we get shifted out of their priorities. There are ditties about being betrayed by the people you trusted to stay by your side, about the confusion it brings, about the reasons they probably did so, and about the anger that surfaces. (I'm an angry person, after all.) There are ditties about trying, and trying harder, and trying some more, and how these efforts end up like punches in the air. And, of course, there are ditties about longing - the people you want to talk to, the people you truly care about, and the people you just want to be with.

It's a little repetitive, ironically, but who can help it? Insignificance is a struggle and a fear that's common among all of us. After being brought up to do our best in everything, and be good in our intentions, the least we can ask for is attention. Just a speck of recognition, just to let you know that what you've done hasn't gone in vain. And I'm sure everybody else feels the same way, too. And I'm sure everybody has received the same advice that I have.

"Hope is nothing if you don't take action," Lizette said.

"Matanda ka na," Piyar said. "Umamin ka na!"
"You should not focus on what you shouldn't do," Alyn said.

"You know what to do," Jackie said.

"Pabayaan mo na lang sila," Antonette said.

"Go for the gold!" Jhie said. "Ask her out."

So far, the only thing I've done is officially change a few things in my life. Change is no longer my biggest fear. It's no longer rejection, either. It's insignificance. And sure, you can beat that if you finally achieve that little hint of recognition, if only to give you that warm fuzzy feeling inside. Everybody deserves that - so why won't they just give us what we rightfully deserve?

And your responses...

wow niko. :D

eto nakakatuwa. :)

yung cynicism mo, NATATAWA talaga ko. :))

well, change is constant.

mga realizations talaga, cliche na masyado. pero pamatay pa ren.

go for the gold!

Anonymous Anonymous9/29/2008     

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