As good as textbooks want

I don't know if it's my upbringing as a Catholic - I studied in a Christian (but non-sectarian) school, tried to take values lessons to heart, and was even an active member of Kids for Christ - but I feel unable to do anything.

Okay. School. Rules and regulations. They all said one thing, really, despite the myriad of ways you can phrase it: don't do anything bad. And with the way us kids thought before, it also meant we shouldn't think of anything bad. That'd eventually grow to mean "impure" thoughts, so you aren't supposed to stare at those end boards that say "breastfeeding is best for babies up to two years" and remember them before you go to bed - but before, it simply meant being annoyed at someone.

"Kasi si ganito galit kay ganyan, kaya ayun, inano niya."

Whatever that thought is, it suddenly becomes enough motivation. I definitely can't remember how my brain worked back then, but if you're angry at someone, you don't keep it in; you let it out. So, you take a ruler and start hitting other people's heads. Or stage a walk out and break a light bulb. Or wallow on the floor refusing to have a measles shot. That was permissible, but in order for us to become "responsible, law-abiding Christians" - see the doublespeak? - we have to learn how to keep them all in. So, as you grew up and moved on, you really have to solve everything with conversations, or at least, end everything with a bang. Fist fights rather than random bouts of evil.

So, as you grow up, you realize the wrongs you have done. You shouldn't have punched that pimply kid because he won't let you copy from your paper, and instead begged him to let you copy. Give whatever, offer your soul, just don't do anything physical. (That is an oxymoron of sorts, blog fans.) When he won't let you, just concede and look for someone else, but do it discreetly, because the teacher might see you.

But he actually wants to be your boyfriend. And yes, it depends on whether you're male or female.

You do end up becoming a "responsible, law-abiding" oh-what-the-heck. The best that you can do is have an intense argument, surrounded by friends, and supported by months of back-stabbing and derisive conversations. Do something beyond that, and you'll be shunned - cheat your music video, disappear during thesis defense, stab your crush with scissors, anything else. Just be perfectly happy, or at least perfectly quiet, and you'll stay away from the courts, from jail, and from everybody else's sharp tongue. I guess the schools were effective, with all those lessons in GMRC - pop quiz, hot shot, what does that mean? - shoved down your throat, that crap about prudence and honesty and the way they become theoretically ineffective. If you're lucky, you get to do it outside of school, too.

"Tama, nagalit si Jesus dahil hindi nirespeto ng mga merchants ang temple ni Lord."

"Nagagalit rin pala si Papa Jesus, ano?"

But you're human. You're not, err, a dancer. You're not made to skirt around everything. You're not made to be graceful. You're made to be happy when you're happy, and angry when you're angry. All these rules, about decorum and etiquette and romance, they're basically irrelevant. So what exactly do you do when someone out there is trying to get you? Lies, damn lies, statistics, rumors, shunnery (which isn't Sean Connery for the slurred), and all that, and you remain silent, when all you want to do is grab a knife and stab everyone?

If you do that, you are deemed deranged, and you'll be doomed to solitary confinement. That, my friends, is the kind of education we get.

And your responses...

I just had to laugh out loud.

"But you're human. You're not, err, a dancer."

(Laughs out loud)

A poor attempt in producing a coherent comment, I'm sure you'd agree. But anyway, napadaan lang po .

Anonymous Anonymous12/12/2008     


Blogger N.12/12/2008     

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