Summer rain, summer programming, and The Suite Life On Deck.

I don't really watch it. I don't even know when it's on, although my tendency to remember things somewhat vaguely means I have some idea when it's on. I chanced upon it when my sister was lazily flicking through television channels, and conveniently stopped in the middle of the usual funny scene set in a cinema, or, in this case, a big projector screen on one of the decks of the SS Tipton.

Since I've seen the predecessor, I've known a few bits about this one. It's on a boat. It's got no Ashley Tisdale, but it gets a Debby Ryan. I know that because I remember encountering that 15-year-old (supposedly) for work. "Oh, so she's the girl who replaced Ashley," I went, and then forgot all about it.

But, at least, I was struggling to remember how I encountered her exactly.

The projector at the cinema. Either Zack or Cody was trying to make someone jealous. I'm guessing it's Zack, since he's always the bratty guy. So he acts as if Bailey is his girlfriend, if only to spite his ex-girlfriend, who's currently rebounding with some fat guy. Somewhere in the end, of course, everything is revealed. The "current one" stands him up, the last one stands him up, and after some arguments about whether it's over or it isn't, both walk out.

The funny bit, for me, was when Cody found himself surrounded by more girls, only because he's crying over what's being shown. A chick flick.

In the tradition of these family-friendly comedies, everything ends with an apology and a slightly feel-good moment. So Zack, if I still got him right, came to Bailey with a sorry bear, for saying they're dating and all that. And then you see the look in her eyes, and I quickly plugged in my earphones, attempting to drown everything out with, say, whatever they call screamo rock. An inheritance from my brother.

"Here it goes," I said, somewhat cynically.

Bailey, of course, accepts the apology. And then she goes to Zack, or Cody, or I don't know, and says possibly the biggest, slightly innocent zinger I've heard on a television show.

"If you really wanted to be my girlfriend, why didn't you just ask?"

And then she approaches the offending twin, somewhat hugs him from behind, and says some other things that did disappear with the screams. Of course, the guy's a little struck, a little shocked, and definitely very swoony. She plants a kiss on his cheek, saying something along the lines of it being the cherry on top - but that's a cliché, so it never got said - and leaves.

In the tradition of these family-friendly comedies, he looks up in sheer happiness and falls to the ground, his body as straight as a stick.

And I'm already twenty years old.