7/30/2009
Declaration

"I am of the belief that once you write something down, you finally mean it."

I figured Lizette must be right, so I figured I'll write the things that I never wrote down because I didn't want to deal with it ever again.

For better or worse, this story is over. If there are any feelings left for you, it's on the bad side. I find you frustrating. I find you annoying. I find you everything else, but you definitely don't care, so I shall stop here. Well, except for my usual complaints about me wondering why it had to be you in the first place.

And you, I'm sorry I raised what happened before, because for some reason it's come to haunt me. I don't know. Maybe because the story ended in naïve bliss, rather than the painful resolution that (forcefully) ended that other story? Honestly, it was odd knowing you had a boyfriend three years ago, because I didn't feel anything, or because I felt something for someone else. Whatever that feeling is.

I don't like conference calls. I can get by on my own. I don't want to deal with all of you anymore; apart from avoiding you when you're off to lunch, you pretty much don't exist anymore, unless you talk amongst each other about mundane stuff.

I don't hate my headphones. I hate my streams, for they drop at the worst time. On the contrary, I love my headphones, especially the volume control. It serves a very good purpose.

I'm not a team worker. This will get me into trouble when some prospective employer sees this, but I actually think I am a team worker. I can cooperate, and I do cooperate, but if it's not the right thing to do, then I won't. Thus, I don't like conference calls and group emails. I'm not really part of a team, or at least the tangible one. That's why I daydream of the Space Needle sometimes.

I don't like my daydreams, especially if it's about something very much impossible but very much wanted.

I still want somebody after all these years. It sounds wrong when you realize you have to work your ass off to get it. It sounds more wrong when you realize others do it with less effort. It sounds even more wrong when you realize that it's all for nothing. I'm having those it's-all-for-nothing moments. I'll never make it.

I can get by on my own. For the most part.

And your responses...

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