Do bad things with it

Believe it or not, I'm never comfortable with spending money.

I never really learned budgeting, but for some reason it's an innate skill. Or maybe not. Maybe it's more of a painful feeling when I spend too much money than my gut says I should spend. Maybe it's because it happens all in one blow - say, me spending P400 for that lunch at Pepper Lunch, which is a hundred bucks over my ideal budget for the entire day - or maybe it's because I just want to feel that comfort I have in seeing I have some leverage when I check my ATM.

Well, it must be a good thing, right? The one lesson everybody's told me the moment I took this job a year ago is simple: save, save, save. My aunt, who works for an insurance company, once gave me an impromptu lecture on keeping money in multiple bank accounts, apart from the one in my ATM and the one I have in hand. Perhaps exaggerated, but I think I got the whole idea down pat.

But the thing with having money is, once in a while, you can spend on yourself. You know, buy something you've always wanted to have. Relatives would even say I'm in a lucky position, because my dad is still earning very well, and technically is still capable of supporting the whole family. (I pitch in now and then. Right now I'm dooting the family's broadband bill.) But still, I like that feeling of leverage, the idea of having space to wiggle yourself in when things happen unexpectedly.

The past few weeks have been quite uncomfortable. I think I've spent too much. I bought Daniel Merriwether's album three weeks back, not anticipating that I'll be treating my sister (who's money-crazy, for lack of a better term) to lunch the day we watched the second Transformers film. That, plus the unusual string of expensive-than-usual lunches I had at work, which happened because either I wanted something new, or I wanted to get away.

Earlier this week my mother asked me if I wanted to buy a new watch. Not that my old watch - which I've had for six years or so - isn't working for me: in fact, the sentimental in me didn't like the idea of abandoning that tattered-but-working watch for something that looks more chic. It took me three days to get convinced - I half-heartedly agreed when my mom texted me, saying that I'd pay for it with the money I've been saving ever since I began working - and got home realizing that I'm getting a digital watch. I thought they're buying an analog watch.

So, right now, I'm wearing this sporty watch with temperature and UV sensors, which is obviously a step up from those watches we wore when we were young. Only, I'm not sporty. And that beeping sound, oh.

To make things worse, my Nike pair somehow decided to finally give up two days ago, which means I'm left with no pair of sneakers to use during rainy days. (My Adidas pair, which I bought over the holidays and cost me around five thousand bucks, isn't good for rainy days. You know, holes for air circulation.) So, right now, I'm seriously considering buying myself a new pair of shoes, after I bought myself a relatively expensive set of earphones to replace my recently-deceased ones, and I sketched out plans to upgrade my computer's memory and buy it a burner to replace that quick-to-die old one.

And I thought I told myself I'll buy a Converse pair. Not Chucks. The other one.

Worrying too much? Well, it's money, and at these times you should strike the balance between stimulating the economy and giving yourself some breathing space. Or, I've been working here for a year and I've yet to receive some incentive. Stupid management and their inability to give me my long-overdue appraisal...

But at least I'm not wearing an obviously expensive watch that doesn't work, like that girl on the shuttle that I saw this morning. That is something.

And your responses...

haha? omg. maybe it was inauthentic :)

Blogger Aurora Grace7/15/2009     

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