9/15/2009
"I will never talk to you after this!"

The sucky thing with writing a series of blog entries surrounding a certain theme, at least in my case, is this: something always happens.

I mean, talk about putting your mind into something. The presumption is, I can talk about something for a certain period of time with the assumption that it'll, more or less, stay that way. Approach something in eight different ways, and eight different angles each, for the next four weeks or so.

But suddenly, somewhere in the middle, things will change drastically. Somewhat drastically, at the very least. The very point of the theme goes the opposite direction, and suddenly it's no longer current. Unless, of course, I decide to stick with sentimentality and pursue the thought further.

I'm cynical, and more or less, my themes are similarly cynical. But in one way or another, it reflects the very things that I want to be, or want to happen, even though they're definitely not happening at the outset. Pessimistic, sure. It is, perhaps, the very least I could do, especially if you know that doing something about it will get you nowhere. And they did say taking risks is not encouraged in these times.

Ariane came to me again lately, talking about the supposed secret of attracting something to yourself just by thinking about it. You know, the rose story she told me earlier in the year? She told me it worked on her again - I won't tell the details, because I don't want to tag those people on Facebook - and I, as always, wasn't so keen.

"Ako, iniisip ko, hindi nangyayari," I said. "Not a believer."

"Skeptic ka ata kasi eh," she answered.

"Mahirap magtiwala ng bulag sa isang bagay," I answered back.

"Ay sus. It's called faith."

Indeed, there are these things that I think of. I'm not exactly hopeful that it'll happen, but then again, I never believed in magic. It's what they call visualization - something I remembered reading off a golf book - and it occurs naturally. Daydreaming, when we're ashamed of it. But never because we want it to happen. More because we know it won't happen - and we're just living the moment, synthetic as it may be, out in our heads, vicariously.

I don't really want to explain the coincidences, or the mere point, of the past eight entries, but let's just say that everything went off course, and this thing was, at least in the middle of it all, the complete opposite of what it actually suggests. But if Ariane's to be believed, heck, it happened, and just when I thought, oh, sod it.

And your responses...

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