I'm almost finished with my Christmas shopping. Almost, I insist. Sure, I've bought a gift for everybody I'm buying a gift for, but my personal shopping list isn't complete yet - and no, I'm not counting Allison Iraheta's debut album. It's this time of year when I, like perhaps everybody else, update my wardrobe, and so far I've bought a pair of jeans (that I haven't altered yet), two shirts and a pair of shoes, although it's annoying to think that Jack Purcells are only available up to a size ten, or so I think.

Now, the one thing I have yet to buy is a collared shirt. It's been a priority since I began working: it looks absolutely smart (especially in a world where the tee takes priority) and it somehow fits my current style philosophy, which is "look decent while throwing everything in the sink". (Actually, I don't have one. I just choose what looks good for me, and nobody has yet to stage a fashion intervention. Do I really need one?) Now, I haven't had time to shop for that, either because I've been buying gifts, or I've been too sleepy, an unusual side effect of daily Starbucks intake.

I've been having a hard time looking for one. I was at Rustan's earlier - then again, why am I looking there? Unless, of course, I plan to buy myself an expensive collared top - which I can do, if I had the guts to go for it. So, to the rest of the Shang, then, although it being a relatively upscale mall, there really is nothing for me there.

Rule number one: Do not go shopping for clothes at the Shang, or at any other upscale mall, for that matter.

Then again, I did find something. There's a Bench store at the fifth floor, and there's a Human store right beside it. Surely there's something I can afford there, right? Collared shirts for under P500? Kewl! The problem is, none of those fit me - and they're not the discounted items. I'm not exactly the fittest man on the planet - I have a fairly prominent belly, although I haven't been drinking beer - and anything that isn't straight anything is bound to look bad on me. Wider-than-usual outfits will make me look shaggy. Slimmer-than-usual outfits? Do you want my nipples poking out? Surely you'll throw up if you realize I'm not female.

What makes it more unfortunate is, I found something that I really like. I found this brown and purple shirt at Human. It should fit me because it's a large, but it's label is a turn-off: "slim fit". I still tried it on, but it pokes badly, and they don't have an extra large one at stock. And no, I haven't checked out the one I like at Bench. "Vintage tee. Slim fit." No, I don't think my sort are allowed to look like Enchong Dee. And to think beauty products are now starting to say, "girls, it's okay if you're fat." If you're a guy, you've got to work out, else you're hopeless.

Rule number two: Guys are not allowed to be insecure about themselves.

I spent my afternoon shopping. A good distraction, I must mention, from the Christmas party somewhere out there - I didn't attend because I had lots of Survivor work to do, although I ended up finishing before three, and the office closes at three, and after hearing stuff like "ikaw lang naman ang dahilan kung bakit kami pupunta", I might as well make the most of the idle time between then and the time the shuttles are available. (That, and I couldn't meet Monica because she's wrapping gifts at work.) Obviously, I wasn't successful, which is why I'm writing stuff now from some half-dumpy Internet cafe at Starmall, which is so far from upscale from the mall across it. I wouldn't shop here because, well, I have this mindset that I won't find anything here that would actually fit my non-existent style philosophy, never mind that there's actually a Human branch right here. Slim fit? No, thanks.

If I spend my life dodging social engagements because I know, for a fact, that nobody will bother engaging with me socially, then why do I bother looking good in the first place? Oh, right, adulation from relatives. "Ang galing mong pumorma" from a distant relative will make me swoon because I don't really try... until I see someone who does try. Remember, there's the second rule for that. Guys are not allowed to be insecure about themselves.

I do not mean to offend, but is this the reason why gay people are abound nowadays?