Oh, hi!

I know you.

You're the guy who... you're the guy who likes my friend! My female friend, if you know what I mean.

Well, I don't know if we're really friends, but I'd like to think that we are. I don't think she considers me as a friend, because she hasn't told me about you!

So I took it upon myself to find out more about you. Believe me, it's not an easy task, but - and here's something about me - once I set my sights on something, I don't stop, no matter what.

Anyway, so here's what I know about you.

You're, well... you're you. You live in Cavite. You studied in De La Salle University. Your Facebook profile is empty. You're... you're hiding from me! But I cannot be stopped, because, well, as I said, once I set my sights on something, I don't stop, no matter what.

Also, because I have to know about you! My friend here seems to like you too, so I have to know all the dirt.

I searched for your name, and... ooooh, so many results! You write, huh? Some television website. You don't live in Washington state. Or are you? And why is your photo that of some country guy? Are you old? Are you lying on your Facebook page? Is that your Facebook page I saw? Lemme try again...

Well, it is you. Or is it?

Do you write elsewhere? Oooh, a blog. Hmm. Oh. You're a boring writer. I don't like the way you blog. You suck. You ramble on and you use big words and... and you think you're smarter than me, huh? I am smarter than you. You tried to hide and yet I found you! I'd say more but your blog entries are so boring.

So who are you, though? I just know, I definitely know, that you like my friend and my friend likes you. But you don't seem to talk a lot. How come? I thought you're very close? Why are you not talking to each other at all? That's just weird, you know.

Why does she like you? You don't seem to be a fun person. You're boring and not good looking. You're old. You like cowboy hats. And police vests. I don't know. You're weird. If I was her, I wouldn't like you.

In fact, I don't like you. I mean, no offense, because I'm not supposed to judge you because I just met you or, actually, I don't know you at all, but I don't like you. My friend here likes you and she doesn't like me. Or she doesn't like me that much. I'm sure she likes me. I hope she likes me. I feel she doesn't like me. And she likes you. So I don't like you.

Why does she like you? What did you do? Can you tell me what you did? Because I totally wanna do it too, so, you know, she'll like me too.

I saw a video of you on YouTube. Or maybe it's not you, but it has your name on it. You sound funny, and you have a big nose, and you are boring. Boring. You seem stupid and ridiculous and autistic and retarded and I do not understand why she likes you.

Or maybe she doesn't like you at all. Maybe she likes me.

Maybe she likes me!

And your responses...

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