1/27/2015
It's the end of the world as you know it

Facebook is down, and it's the end of the world as you know it.

What do you do? How do you kill time? How will you find out who's on the beach on a Tuesday, or whose baby is making a bitch resting face?

More importantly, how do you pretend to work?

"But sir, I am in marketing. I do social media marketing. Since Facebook is down, I can't do any work."

"We have a Facebook page?"

"Uhh, yes, sir."

"But we sell forklifts!"

"Uhh, yes, sir."

What do you do? You go on Twitter, and take solace in the fact that you're not alone in panicking over this. You're not the only one who thinks the world has ended. You're not the only one who thinks you're suddenly cut off from the world, with no way of finding out the most mind-blowing, life-changing, soul-crushing, things that only a person like you would understand.

And look, they're using hashtags.

#FacebookDown so now I have to go on Twitter and suffer through all these Justin Bieber tweets.

"Wait, Justin Bieber is still a thing?" you boss suddenly wanders aloud.

"Uhh, yes, sir?"

Quick, form a support group! What can you do now that Facebook is down?

I can finally study for my quiz!

I can finally get my exercise!

I can, ehrm, finally stalk my ex-girlfriend?

Well, sure, that counts!

Facebook is down, which means you really can't do any work, so you now have to take advantage of the new old hashtag by promoting yourself zealously. I mean, come on. Everyone goes on Twitter when Facebook crashes, right? Even if they were actually doing something, like, say, working on a template for a new MailKimp account, or crunching numbers on a calculator, or maybe talking to someone in person. In a meeting. At the conference room. Poor them. They don't know the world has ended. They are ill-equipped for when time and space inevitably collapse into each other because the information vacuum is just too much for our wee little bodies to handle.

Hello. We are the last few remaining survivors. Let us band together and join this Facebook group! Well, as soon as it goes back up.

Enter.

For now, let's all use the hashtag #FacebookCrashSurvivors so we can easily find each other! We're all in this together!

Enter.

Guys, Facebook is back up!

And that is it. You now have to really work. And I can finally publish this blog entry, because I duplicate everything over on there. Just so, you know, I can get the most eyeballs for my excuse for witty essays. Fucking hackers.

And your responses...

It's called Resting Bitch Face. Not bitch resting face.

Blogger Stormcage ‒ 1/27/2015     

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