Why does a relationship look so effortless?

Okay, so a bit of context on this blog entry. A good eight years ago, Lizette and I collaborated on a blog. It was called The Mind Commute (there's a reference to that in the title of this blog entry) and it had a photo of a toilet in its header, because it was one of the default offerings of the now dead i.ph blogging service. You might remember that toilet appearing on this blog's old layout, even.

We only did seven blog entries: the first five were published in the summer of 2007, and the last two were rushed to life in May the following year. We assumed identities that pretty much reflected who we were at the time: she was the wise Miss Snotty, and I was the cynical Sir Uhm-a-lot. On random nights we'd decide to write a blog entry ("let's mind commute" was the safe word, or something) and the YM conversation that would follow would be transferred, wholesale, to the blog window.

Since I was the blog's administrator, I got a copy of all seven blog entries when i.ph closed down a few years ago. I haven't thought much of them until a few months back, when I stupidly decided to go on a nostalgic route to mark ten years of blogging. I decided to post this today solely because it was Lizette's birthday last Saturday - and also, because, well, I still had to post something vaguely about Valentine's Day this week. So, here it is: one of seven entries from The Mind Commute, first published on 17 April 2007. That should explain all the dated references and terrible grammar.

My, so much has changed since then. 

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Snotty dearie, you ever had the feeling someone likes you from afar?

Miss Snotty: Um, yeah, creepy ugly feeling if you ask me.

Sir Uhm-a-lot: It actually feels pervertic, somewhat. Without resorting to talking about personal stuff, I am guilty.

Miss Snotty: Well, if the other person doesn't know about you thinking about her, then there's no issue. It's just a matter of you not existing in her head at all, right? But if she does know, then that's a different matter. It's all in the head.

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Liking by thinking. Ooooh.

Miss Snotty: You are? How can we talk about your guilt and not talk about your personal stuff?

Sir Uhm-a-lot: I actually had this question one time. Think of it, you walk around constantly thinking of one person, right? I just wondered how it felt for the other party. I dunno. I just wanted to know...

Miss Snotty: Okay, what about this? You have a new purty crush you haven't introduced to your parents and your dog Snafu?

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Not really... you know. I just got over someone and thought I might like someone else again. But I remember a friend of mine telling me that I make a big deal out of everything. Then again, it is the very essence of romance - doing everything for someone. And yet people who are in a relationship make it look effortless!

Miss Snotty: Because they agree to make it work. You don't go after the girl at all, hence your romantic life is one-sided and that indeed would not work. It's not effortless at all, when you think about it. Two people in love just make it seem easier because of the feeling, however shallow it may be.

Sir Uhm-a-lot: It takes a lot of calculation. Or maybe I just don't like failure, although in the handful of feeble attempts that I have tried to do so something terrible happens and I get tossed aside...

Miss Snotty: So try again and stop uhm-ing your life away.

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Oh my god. She is... taken already? A month?

Miss Snotty: So?

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Was just surprised. That girl's... she isn't that girl, really. I was just surprised that someone... someone beat someone to it.

Miss Snotty: Not all love stories are stereotyped. Maybe love, the feeling, is a stereotype. But not the love stories because from the premise that each human is unique in his or her own way, he or she weaves the story in a unique way.

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Then film writers must be unimaginative. Or they must have not experienced love. Or they just want the money. Mindless entertainment, to be exact. It hurts us, the hopeless, and simply because we all get shunted into a corner seeing two people... eeek. Make out, maybe.

Miss Snotty: Into a corner seeing two people? I'm seeing approximately five men as of the moment! Who you talkin to?

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Uhm... where are we anyway?

Miss Snotty: I'm in Ortigas, you're prolly in a bedroom crying your purty little eyes out and wiping the tears away with your socks. Also, writing on your notebook diary for when Snafu misses his midday snack and gets hungry.

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Nope, I'm in front of a PC scratching my belly while wondering why I bother asking you such questions, because apparently only I have this kind of problem.

Miss Snotty: I bet the rest of the world has that kind of problem but only you blow it up into something quite unsolvable. Which to my mind is an awful, awful habit. Also my new article for the awesomosis Man Blog is out!

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Well, that gives me something to do...

Miss Snotty: Also I suggest you go out and feel the sun's warmth on your face like all those other filthy Filipinos making singit their way on the equally filthy beaches.

Sir Uhm-a-lot: I'd rather keep the fact that Kelly and I are similar in the fact that we both don't like the beach. Or, let me keep that shattered reality of mine. Don't mind me, Miss Snotty, let me stay here and...

Miss Snotty: And what, do yourself in? That would very much be welcome if you find the rest of the world doesn't care.

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Well... maybe they don't.

Miss Snotty: Ah, the road to a suicidal mindset is fraught with such ease!

Sir Uhm-a-lot: Right. I feel sooo optimistic I'll die tomorrow.

Miss Snotty: The sarcasm bounces off my hide, my good sir.

And your responses...

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