Give me Benedict Cumberbatch, or give me bacon

"Ayoko na kay Ian Somerhalder," my girlfriend said.

"Bakit?" I asked.

Ian Somerhalder, with his piercing eyes - especially his piercing eyes, perhaps - has been a bit of a topic between us two. Rainy's been swooning over him since she began watching The Vampire Diaries, and I try my best to, half-jokingly, pull her away from any Penshoppe branch that has his face plastered in front.

I would also tell her that I've seen Ian in another show before. Of course, that'd be Lost, where he was the eye candy with the hots for his step-sister. He was also the first to die.

"Let me guess," I continued.

I had that sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew this isn't one of those conversations where we'd end up going cheesy about each other. No, I cannot be the reason why my girlfriend no longer has a crush on Ian Somerhalder.

"Benedict Cumberbatch?"

"Uh-huh! Uh-huh!"

You could say that it was a mistake on my part. I gave Rainy the first season of Sherlock. She was running out of things to watch and she was interested in it, never mind that each season only has three episodes, and each episode runs an hour and a half long. And no, the vagaries of British television isn't the reason why I did not continue watching the show past the pilot. I just didn't feel it. It sounds like a cop-out, but I really just didn't feel it.

Anyway, the next thing I know, she's gone through all of the first season - again, three episodes, four and a half hours in total, and since this is the BBC, no commercial breaks - and she's asking me for the second season. And she's gone through Benedict's entire entry on Wikipedia.

I'm afraid I have lost her. Again.

She would tell you, though - and she has told me this - that she doesn't exactly have a crush on Benedict Cumberbatch. She likes him as Sherlock. She doesn't want to watch him in anything else, perhaps because that would shatter the illusion, or something. I don't know. That's what she says.

I've only seen the pilot, but I think I get it. Of course Sherlock Holmes is smart and closed-off and a bit acerbic, but throw in Benedict's deep voice, mumbly delivery and accent, and you have my girlfriend swooning. (Suddenly I'm wondering if I'm being too shallow over this. I have only seen one episode, and so far Nat hasn't been successful in convincing me to continue. If indeed it was her.) And, apparently, a million others, too. My colleague watched Sherlock at the same time my girlfriend did, and now she's demanding I send the other episodes over.

"I am now a Cumberbitch!" she proclaimed.

"Hindi na 'yan ang tawag nila sa kanila," I answered. "Ang pangit kasi ng dating eh, lalo na nung in-announce 'yung engagement niya."

"So ano na?"

"Cumbercookies yata?"

And that's what it all boils down to. An ideal, however shallow it may be. You have to admit, if your boyfriend could deliver the most mundane of words in a surprisingly sexy manner, you will swoon, right? And your skirt will drop? (I didn't want to use that, but this song is stuck in my head. Thank you, Norway.) And yes, this goes with the acknowledgement that I am not Rainy's ideal boyfriend - she always imagined a guy who could play a musical instrument, not a guy who bluffs his way around writing about music - but, hey, we're here, we accept each other for who we are, that sort of thing.

But yes, we still, maybe begrudgingly, I don't know, allow each other to, err, swoon. Am I making sense? Anyway, she had Ian, and now she has Benedict. Or Benedict's Sherlock Holmes. And I, well, I don't... I... I don't know. I don't know who to mention here. As for everybody else, they also have their reasons to swoon, too. There's always that guy you escape to in your head - and especially if you're single and just want someone to cuddle.

And then they disappear, like Benedict, who got engaged. Or got married, I think.

And just like that, the world has collapsed. No more ideal. No more perfection. Taken away by some slut who only wants him for his body, as opposed to you, who will love him for all his flaws and imperfections, right? Right?

Well, there are alternatives, and my Facebook feed was filled with that last month, as Valentine's day drew nearer and people professed that they are single and not bitter and are just, you know, celebrating the weekend. Some people took that tactic, but others yelled even louder than usual. Oh, where is Mr. Right, and why is he not with me right now? And then, eventually, I don't need a guy to be happy.

The next thing I see is an article, shared by said person, delineating five reasons why you should be in a relationship with bacon.

What, because it's smoked and delicious and fatty and crispy and it will never let you down, unlike a guy who's flawed but will actually take care of you no matter what? Well, relatively? Still, you'll choose bacon over that?

Or chocolate?

Or chocolate-coated bacon?

Yeah, I can see why I will lose to that.

And your responses...

You will definitely lose to chocolate-coated bacon...with almonds. Wala. Talo talaga kahit sino pa yan.

Blogger Aleigna Lin3/23/2015     

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