You really shouldn't be diagnosing yourself of anything, even if you're reading the most reputable of sources. Your vision is most definitely impaired on this one. In this case, though, I couldn't help it.
Chronic fatigue? I want to sleep a lot during weekends.
Insomnia? I think I'm beginning to have it. A couple of nights ago I woke up at one in the morning and failed to fall asleep since. I thought it's the coffee I had at the event I attended in Clark. But last night I got home at one in the morning - and slept half an hour later - and yet I woke up at half past five. And I can't fall asleep since.
Impaired concentration? I'm starting to have that, too.
Heart palpitations? I'm afraid to say this, but yes.
Increased illness? I seem to be getting the cold more often these days, for some reason.
Anxiety? Well, I've always been anxious. And besides, I don't want to admit that, because having anxiety is romantic these days. You know people using this new-found awareness of mental health to make themselves look more special than they really are.
Depression? See above.
Loss of enjoyment? See this.
Pessimism? Well, I've always been this, too. I guess it's also why I tend to do more things myself. I have difficulty trusting other people to get it right. All right, it probably is not a sign of something.
Detachment? What is going on in the world these days?
Apathy and hopelessness? I don't care.
Irritability? Well, this laptop froze again. And my brother didn't clean the stuff he ate on. He always fucking expects other people to do it for him. Fucking hell.
Lack of productivity? I haven't done a single thing today. I have several internal deadlines ringing. But I don't want to do anything. All I've done today is try to sleep again, and read this list of signs of burnout, and yes, my vision is impaired, and I am seeing all of this and more in me. The worst part is, there is no way out - not a vacation, not a check-up, not a break. I can't afford to take a break. Like, financially, I can't afford to take a break. I'm not in control of things. If I lose control of that, too, well, I might as well die.
3/29/2019
Niko Batallones writes The Upper Blog.
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