3/18/2019
Slump

It's the 18th of the month, and I haven't written anything on here. Well, actually, I haven't written much I can truly be proud of these past few weeks. Perhaps this is what you'd call a "writer's block", but seeing that I am still writing something, it's better of referred to as a "writer's slump".

"Too busy" is too convenient an excuse, to be honest. I've been able to write while doing more than what I'm doing now. Perhaps it's because I know I am doing more than I used to which leads me to that conclusion, but then I quickly go, "well, it's not just that."

I was at a coffee shop last week, doing some work. I'd usually be people-watching, sort of, in between doing the work, or after doing the work, but it was soon clear I gave myself three hours because it took three hours. Granted, I was punching up a flyer and everything else that went with it - social media updates, website updates, you get the idea - and that takes a while because I tend to do everything before I pull the trigger at the designated time and everything goes live. But that can be tedious, so sometimes my mind flies, but this time it only flew towards the idea of me, alone, occupying a table for four.

I think I'm leaning towards another explanation: that, for some reason, I no longer find joy in saying things, in articulating things. Perhaps it's the "all written out" thing I have been pondering about for years now. I mean, if it was just this blog, it'd be fine, but I have a slump just as I have scheduled, for myself, a handful of essays for work! I have three weeks to go and I haven't written anything and, really, why am I putting myself through all this again?

Ah, yes, because I'm trying to prove to myself, still, that people care about what I have to say, that just because I am foolish enough to wade in with an opinion doesn't mean what I have to say ought to be belittled, that I ought to be belittled. But then, with all this work, and this need to curl up in a bubble because you fear you're just going to say something stupid and be shamed for it for eternity...

And your responses...

Post a Comment