10/28/2019
What's left of your weekend will never be enough

I saw this post on the usual places this morning. An acquaintance talked about realizing how he had to work overtime for all five days of the past work week, and how he responded - by buying a ticket to Bangkok right after.

Ah, yes, right.

I have absolutely forgotten that I have attempted to be friends with the people who you might class as overachievers - you know, the sort of people that don't have qualms about running for student governments, the sort of people that have the drive and the time for that sort of thing, on top of their studies, on top of being popular and liked. It's always seemed daunting then, and it still seems daunting now. How exactly do you do that and manage to not look stressed out when you're out and about?

Perhaps it's because I lived so far, and so had to devote a good couple of hours, likely more, just to get to campus and back. What I got from sleeping in the bus (and listening to random radio stations) I lost in opportunities to socialize. I rarely went out on school nights, or even on weekends. All my friends then just went to places that were too far for me.

And I guess it also helped that those achievers almost always never had to take public transportation to their classes. As it would dawn on me in the intervening years, they came from rich families, and were most certainly driven to school. All right, that happened to me sometimes, too. Rarely, perhaps, is the better word. Wouldn't have made an impact in any way.

And so, those people have had a better chance to pursue extra-curricular stuff. Sure, they likely leaned more towards it, and got more support from loved ones; that'll always play a factor. But if you didn't have to worry about getting to your classes on time, you had more time to plot more ways to dominate the world, or something. Now they're people who are rich enough - well, chances are they were rich to begin with - to spontaneously buy a ticket to Bangkok and have a holiday.

I've been playing with that thought for years now. We've all been told that all we really need to succeed is to work hard. Well, I haven't seen a lot of people who don't, but it seems only the people who've had more to begin with are able to get ahead. That's not to say they haven't worked hard at all. I haven't seen lazy trust fund kids, either. But your options are certainly much more varied when you've had the cushion of a few million bucks lying around somewhere. You can pursue your passions, and become the most creative person you ever know. Or you can devote your life to the corporate world, but have a leg-up over others by just becoming more tuned in to what the bosses are thinking. The wide network helps, too.

Yes, yes, I know I am sounding jealous here. Resentful, even. Perhaps I am. I calculated how much I earn in a year and, to be honest, it is pitiful. I'm sure most of my peers are millionaires already. I mean, they have the social media posts to prove it, all vacations in exotic locations.

Well, all right, that's social media. Also, all right, not all of my friends are filthy rich. I may have studied in one of the country's most prestigious universities, but not all of my classmates are rich kids. Context, Niko. Look at the other people also getting by. They're struggling like you, too! And who talks about struggles in the public sphere? Nobody wants to read that kind of toxicity. Whoever writes that shit is foolish...

...well.

But then, all I know is where I am now, and what I know is this: I haven't had a proper vacation in a year, and I feel I have worked either the jobs of four people, or the job of one person for four years straight. Clearly I'm not paid enough, but I also feel I don't get the support and encouragement I perhaps should be getting. I've had "toxic work culture" echoing in my head for weeks now.

Well, why not change jobs?

My headspace hasn't been right for years, and I don't think I'm up to move, if I'm being honest.

Well, why complain? Surely you're earning enough for a vacation, right?

Well, vacations require money, and where do I get a pot of that to cover all the stuff I am paying for, and then some? And now it seems I am forbidden to even take a break, to just lie down and think of nothing, and maybe fall asleep, and maybe fall asleep again. I told you, the work of four people in one go. What's left of my weekend will never be enough.

Well, you should be working harder, then. I mean, you're blogging now, you fucking slacker. No wonder nobody has looked at you and thought, "I want him on my team." Start working harder and stop complaining!

And your responses...

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