4/26/2021
Anxiety dreams, part two

My dream last night was different in two ways.

One, it wasn't an elaborate chase sequence like most others. It was, for the most part, me in an office. I don't really remember much of what happened, but the setting, I remember.

Two, the dream was apparently so bad that I was screaming in real life, and Shalla had to wake me up.

I actually remember that differently. I remember being in that point between being asleep and being awake. Between dreams? Anyway. I remember that I deliberately shouted to get her attention, something about me wanting to get out of the dream, but not being able to. Am I describing that correctly?

Also, now that I've thought about it, I don't think I was shouting. I was being loud, but it wasn't an angry shout, but more of a mournful shout.

"Stop bullying me!"

I dreamt that I was being bullied at the office.

Shalla tried to wake me up, and after, I guess, ten seconds, I finally did. I remember whimpering. "Putangina n'yo," I said, before turning around and trying to sleep again.

I did, but I don't think I slept properly since. I woke up just before five in the morning already feeling off. It's just Monday. What more the rest of the week?

And yes, I know many people dread Mondays. We return to work. These days we don't so much return to work as resume it, seeing that everything is blurred and the boundaries we keep putting up just break down. They talk about work-life balance on LinkedIn as if we should be able to do that to be successful, never mind that it's really only those who are comfortable and earning more than enough who can do so. They talk about how social media should never be the basis for how you should live your life, never mind that many of us go there to escape the bullshit that we have to slug through our every waking - and as it turns out, sleeping - hour.

But don't mind me. I'm just writing this so I can say I've written something. The sun is up but the skies are overcast. My chest has not felt right since I woke up. It's a long day. It's just Monday. All I have to do is be positive and appreciate the small things, right?

And then I'll go to sleep tonight and ponder my mortality, again. I never really had control. I just pretend to have moved on because nobody cares either way.

And your responses...

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