9/30/2021
Almost everything comes back to you

I always found it weird how people take screenshots of tweets from their phones and then post said screenshot on Facebook. Does that make it more shareable? (Definitely.) Does that make it a meme? (I don't know.) Does that make it easier to spot amidst a sea of posts designed to grab your attention? (Maybe?)

Earlier this morning I found one such post on Facebook. It's one of those posts that social media behemoth insists on recommending to me, even if I don't have an interest specifically in that topic. Broadly, yes. It's K-pop. I don't mind, even if I think it's weird that it shows me teasers from Twice's upcoming English single. Or, in this case, a BTS fan page posting a screenshot of a tweet. It was about their upcoming series of concerts - physical concerts - happening in Los Angeles. The tweet was a meme-y one, of a fan watching said concert... with only one kidney.

I instantly thought, Anna would have something to say about this.

It isn't the first time. I thought of her when news of the government seeking to tax social media influencers came out. I thought of her when (ultimately unverified, as far as I know) reports of Noynoy Aquino undergoing dialysis in his final months surfaced. It's not always about the news, but those other instances, I don't really remember anymore. It happens more often than you think. I'll go, Anna would have something to say about this, and then I'll go, damn, right.

It's been a little over nine months since she passed. I always think about how sudden it came, and also, how in the months prior she seemed more jaded on her tweets. That was my interpretation. Why wouldn't you be so downbeat about the world when everything seems hopeless? But I also remember how she was always opinionated about things, even if those opinions were unpopular. Maybe I think of her because we agreed on things I never thought people would agree to. In the weeks after "the incident", as I reluctantly call it, I read one of her comments on one of my blog entries about how people care about depression only if it makes them look good. I don't know if I would've told her about what happened - I haven't really told anyone deliberately outside of what I wrote - but I wonder what she would've said if she ever found out. But then, I doubt she would bother. She had more pressing things to worry about.

When we first heard the news of Anna's passing, Shalla told me that I will think of her fairly regularly, and out of the blue, in somewhat random situations. I will remember she is gone, and I will feel a bit sad about it. Perhaps the sadness goes down as time goes on - this whole thing about people not minimizing their grief but rather growing around it, something I also saw on Facebook - but, still, it's weird.

They're not random situations, that said. I'll go on the record and say I didn't really know her that well - we've never met in person, technically - but we've talked a lot, and she's contributed to the old music blog several times, most notably on an essay I wrote about, well, people joking about selling their kidneys to get a concert ticket. So I thought about that idiot Army who made a joke about giving away a vital (but redundant) organ just to see her boys live, and I thought about how Anna, someone who both needs a kidney and never understood the fuss about K-pop, would react.

Needed a kidney. Damn it, Niko. It's been nine months.

And your responses...

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