As things stand, I think I'm starting to not like the weekends.

I know, I know. Weekends are really the only time when you get to rest, I know. But now that I live alone, weekends are when I have little to do. Once I've checked off my errands for those two days - do the groceries, do the laundry, clean the bathroom, perhaps get a weekend project done - you're left with all this idle time, and that's a lot of time where these thoughts about how things went wrong and how you fucked it all up - and, well, how you actually didn't, if you think about it even more - come in. That isn't helpful, not when you're trying to reorient yourself to your new reality, to relearn everything you thought you know about yourself, more or less.

So, once all of the things I have to do is done, I end up settling in this vicious cycle. Let's say, after lunch. I go to bed, fire up YouTube on my phone, and watch random things. Or rewatch not-so-random things. After a few minutes, I get sleepy. I mean, I've done a lot already, I think, so perhaps I can rest. I take a nap, and since it's the weekend, I don't turn my alarm on. An hour passes. I wake up. I wonder what to do next. Repeat.

Well, there are alternatives. I can play a computer game. I'm in that phase when I'm rediscovering Civilization VI, a game introduced to me by my uncle, and which I passed on to my younger brother. It's a turn-based strategy game where you play as, well, a civilization, fighting to expand your territory and your influence. I always play the French. I don't really know why, but I've learned to appreciate the increased diplomatic visibility and additional spy capacity. Still, I don't always win, which is fine.

Sorry. My point was, if you give me enough time, I can finish all 500 turns - or less, since you can achieve certain victories within the allotted time - in a whole day. But "enough time" in this case means being in front of your computer the whole day, and that's not a good thing for my eyes or my electricity consumption. Also, my cat. Bonkey has this habit now of meowing at me every hour or so, as if telling me to take a break and go to the bedroom. If I do lie in bed, there are two options: either he hangs out, or he leaves in a huff. Makes sense. He's a cat, a cat who now has only one of his humans at his most preferred space. Concessions have to be made. Like, you take another nap, because what else can you do? There's nothing on the streaming services, and you can only watch news channels on YouTube for so long without experiencing déjà vu.

This isn't a problem on weekdays, but then, I think I have more structure during those days. Like, I have to work. Since I still work from home - I have always worked from home - I know when to take my breaks. You take a bath at nine, or ten. You cook your rice at eleven, and around that time you think of cooking your viand, or reheating leftovers. At twelve, you have lunch - and Eat Bulaga! streaming on YouTube comes in very handy here. Say what you want about Filipino noontime variety shows, but it's incredibly comforting to watch the "dabarkads" get into the groove. Until things get cringe-y. You know, live television. Or, until you get sleepy. In which case, here goes another nap.

You can only nap for so long, though. I'm that kind of guy that feels I'm getting nothing done when I spend a lot of my idle time resting. And it's just four in the afternoon. The day is going really slowly. By now I'm thinking, "I could've just gone out of the house and gone somewhere." True, but it still costs money to stay somewhere and do something. I'm not exactly stingy with money, but at the moment I'd rather not spend money I don't exactly have - and besides, I'm home. What could be better? Apart from being reminded of how empty it all feels now - not helped, I guess, by the new Ikea furniture and the bare walls and the bright sunlight through the almost ceiling-to-floor window - it's got everything you need. Until I need to restock on my groceries, that is. I'll figure it out.

This past weekend I hatched a plan. I worked for a German company for a few years, which meant around this time of the year I'm managing invitations to annual Oktoberfest events. My colleagues would invite their clients and hope nobody else got to them first. It's a night of unlimited beer and sausages. I've been there, and ended up as the designated driver for my dad, which is a bit awkward, but then, it comes with the territory.

I digress. The plan is to have my own private Oktoberfest. I already bought a bottle of German beer - for free, thanks to all the points I accumulated on my GoRewards card - and I made sure it's Paulaner, for extra authenticity points. (Also, I'll never forget this time when a German guy approached me during one of those events and said, "sorry, I can't help myself, but you're drinking the shittiest German beer ever." It was Oettinger, which was cheap. I had to start somewhere.) I just had to have a sausage meal delivered. Five pork sausages, mashed potato, sauerkraut. Not purely Oktoberfest-y, but then, that's why I bought an extra sausage.

I got my timing wrong. My food came at six in the evening, so I ended up having dinner slightly earlier than planned. It went well. The problem is, I eat fast, so my sausages were done before The Goonies was a third of the way through. The beer, though, wasn't. German beer bottles are large. This is half a liter of beer. It's a lot even before I realize I have beer mugs - a gift from her mother - and I have one chilling in the freezer precisely for this reason. Is this how you drink this particular kind of beer in Munich? How cold is it supposed to be? I already fucked up the pouring - should do it slowly - but, well, having these thoughts are better than all the other thoughts I had to physically prevent myself from entertaining.

By eight, I was already sleepy. It's the beer hitting me. I know now what alcohol does to me, and it's why I don't drink a lot. I was asleep earlier than usual, and I woke up later than usual. Around five in the morning. That used to be my usual until my body - and Bonkey - shifted it to half past four for some reason.

I remember my parents recently had this habit of drinking soju as a night cap before going to sleep. My sister and I joked that they have become alcoholics. But then, it makes sleep come to you easier. Now, I realize that perhaps what I need is alcohol on the weekend to banish all this idle time more definitively. Maybe that's the path I have to take to make this transition somewhat easier. Beer before you sleep. Beer when you don't want to think. Be an alcoholic. Maybe.