There's this one wardrobe combination I've had the guts to try recently. It's a light-colored long-sleeved collared top, with a dark-colored long-sleeved shirt on top of it.
I've done that at least... four times this calendar year. I could do it more times, but then, the Philippines can be sweltering hot, and I easily break into a sweat. The only time I really felt I had a chance at pulling it off was in one of my regular trips to Hong Kong, and went on overdrive on that one: I had that collared shirt below a long-sleeved vest below a coat jacket. And I wore a tie.
Unfortunately, when I went out of the hotel to make the 15-minute walk to the Hong Kong Convention and Exhibition Centre, I learned that it was a hot day. A 30-degree day, to be exact.
But the weather isn't exactly the reason why I've been doing that look these days. For the first time in a long time, I genuinely felt cute. Good heavens. Me, saying that? Me, saying that I felt cute? Where have I heard that one before?
Oh, right, anyway.
I did feel cute. Not that I was trying to look good for someone. Admittedly, looking good for myself is an alien concept to me. Not that I think little of what I wear. I have preferred colors and brands and looks. But eventually I know it'll be a long day, and I'd look flustered, and besides, I would've gotten tired after doing a lot of misplaced talking.
I suppose that look works better when you're in a networking event or something work-related. I wore that last weekend to the grocery. Overkill? Again, yes. The weather is cool, sure, but do I really have to look preppy while picking out the best quality leeks? (Which didn't exist, because that particular grocery doesn't stock its alliums properly.) But whatever. This feeling cute this is intoxicating. I don't have to truly believe it, but just a fragment, a string, of it is enough.
But then, everyone else in the mall look more self-assured. I see what they're wearing and they seem relaxed, chill, whatever synonym for those two you can think of. Me, I feel my outfit is heavy and clunky and ill-fitting. I look stupid. We may all be going to the same stores - and I can genuinely say I am no poser - but I look stupid, and out of place, and... and... and then I remember why I never felt cute before, for myself or for anyone else. No matter where you put me, I feel small. I shrink. I feel unworthy. Now, where have I said that one before?
Oh, right, anyway.
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