I articulated this for myself at some point. Horoscopes aren't there to tell you exactly what will happen.

I suppose I really was just remembering it from Zenaida Seva. "Hindi hawak ng bituin ang ating kapalaran. Gabay lamang sila." Otherwise, everybody born around the same time as me would have exactly the same circumstances, and that's more fodder for dystopian sci-fi, I think.

It's not that I didn't believe in horoscopes before. It's just that I wasn't really that exposed to it. Didn't give it that much attention, even if I read newspapers back to back as a kid. Only in the last decade or so, when I met someone who did psychic readings for a living, did it all start clicking with me. And then, in the last year and a half, when I began reading them more deliberately, did I end up understanding... somewhat.

Sure, it's still weird to think that what will happen to you completely depends on when you were born, whether you're looking at the Western zodiac or the Chinese one. Yes, knowing your natal chart adds complexity and makes any readings more of your own, but then you'll have to find out the exact minute you were born in, and I can't really remember that, to be honest. But when you reach that point you're probably also already juggling the position of the planets and the meaning of "retrograde" and "houses", which means you're probably in too deep. And, well, if you're into it, it's fine, but if you're just reading it for fun, then maybe you are getting in too deep.

But are we really just reading it for fun?

I've been more exposed to it for a decade, yes. I pay a little more attention to those displays in malls outlining what I, a Dragon - and no, I'm not a Horse like all of my elementary classmates insisted I am - might expect. But then, it doesn't warn you about everything. No one said anything about heartbreak, more so everything that follows that.

And yet I still read the horoscope. Yes, it's for fun, mostly. It's become a topic of conversation sometimes with people - the retrospective kind, when we talk about what was said for us and figure out how it applied to what actually happened. Sometimes it fits, which is fascinating. Mostly it doesn't, so, okay.

But - and this is for me personally - I think I read it with a little more regularity now because it kind of lends a certainty - a very loose certainty - to a future we definitely cannot read. Yearly, monthly, daily - it will probably have something to say about the things you're worried about. Will you have better luck with your work, with your love life? Will you start a family? Will you win the lottery? Will you have the freedom to truly do what you think you want to do? Will you be truly happy?

Zenaida Seva's sign-off rings in my head again. The full version, this time. "Hindi hawak ng mga bituin ang ating kapalaran. Gabay lamang sila. Mayroon tayong free will. Gamitin natin ito." So, sure, you won't get lucky unless you look for a better job, or put yourself out there and be social again, or actually pay for a lottery ticket regularly. You'll have to put in the work. (I would be rich if I earned a hundred bucks every time I heard that line... well, not that rich.) But then, the flipside is, you can be doing all that and not get it. You may not get that better job. You may not get new friends, or new lovers. That jackpot may evade you until you die. So what was all that for?

And doesn't that make things slippery? When does your horoscope stop being a guide and start being a prediction. What do you do when you pull out the nine of swords card and see someone enter your house, go straight to the bedroom, and start crying? What do you make of that? What if you don't like what you read? Do you look for a more amenable interpretation? How many attempts? When do you stop?

Yeah, sorry, this is becoming particularly specific. I suppose I'm having flashbacks towards all that talk about soulmates and karmic flames and how that can justify certain actions. If the stars say things should be a certain way, and you've got a predilection for such things, then you will go there. Otherwise, it's all just bullshit, or at the very least, it's an excuse to do things you wouldn't otherwise do.

Or, the more widely acceptable conclusion in these times: I still have a lot to work on. Where that will take me, I don't know, so... off to the horoscope to tell me where I might do well in the coming year. Once it drops, at least.