I haven't seen you in a while.
The last time was two, maybe three months ago. I would've said hi, and I think I did try to say hi, but it was clearly your off day since you were wearing something else. There would be a next time, I thought, but months passed and I haven't seen you at all.
Did you move to a different store? I thought, knowing that happens quite commonly. All your other colleagues have moved to other branches. Some have told me, and some haven't, as is their right. All your colleagues also come from other branches, to the point that I could recognize them from somewhere else, and they could recognize me, and I would say, "this is actually my branch," although of course it isn't. But you know what I mean. I go here a lot to write, and I always catch you in the first shift.
Yeah, I haven't been coming early in the morning either. Lately I have been writing elsewhere, not because I chose to, but because I have been going to a lot of meetings lately and I find myself writing while in between appointments. I do come in the afternoons, and sometimes you are there in the afternoons, but lately you haven't been.
Did you move to a different store? I would've asked the others but it felt like a really awkward question to ask, but not as awkward as when I asked you if I could add you up on Instagram, and you said no because it was against store policy. Of course, I thought, I understand. People like me are creeps, right? Clutching on to your hospitality, mistaking it for friendship. You are paid to be nice to me, and in return, I am expected to not cross the line. It's fine, because all I really do is write when I have a chance. Occasionally I will look up, and I will see you behind the counter.
And I do this repeatedly, and I get enamored, and I entertain the idea that... first, yes, this is a crush, but it's not like I will do anything about it. All I imagine are conversations. All I imagine is some sort of friendship. Am I also not allowed to have that anymore? So many have said that I should stop trying, that it's embarrassing, that I'm almost 40 and I'm still doing these things, that it's my problem I don't have a circle of friends like they do. But what's so bad with trying? And I did try. I remember the keychain I got you. 3,000 won at a market in Jeju. I always thought I should've gotten myself that, too.
Yeah, I got a little sad, but I suppose these things happening is just a matter of course.
But this afternoon, you're here.
I haven't seen you in a while, I say.
No, you haven't been here in a while! you say.
I could go on about how I was here a couple of weeks ago to do some writing, and somehow contracted a bug in the process, and got so sick that I came down with a fever the following day. I could go on about how I was here a few days ago, and how my usual drink wasn't available. Speaking of, is the dark mocha frappuccino available?
There's enough for one more, you say.
Okay, I say. I'll have that one.
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