Yes, go on

If there is one thing I regret about closing the other blog almost seven months ago, it's that I've cut off a steady, if inconsistent source, of affirmation.

Okay, that's stupid, right? Why would you look for affirmation from other people?

Someone said precisely that to me a few months back. Perhaps it's a mistake on my end, telling someone who's essentially a stranger that, yes, I do look to other people for affirmation. I mean, it's cool to say that you're not that kind of person, that you're the opposite of yours truly. No, you don't need other people to tell you that you're doing well. What matters is what you feel, and what you feel alone.

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Switched on

The airconditioning here today is unusually noisy.

Perhaps it's always been that way. Perhaps it's because, today, I don't have my earphones plugged in, at least not yet. Perhaps it's because it's not yet seven in the morning, which usually means office workers start rushing in for their rations of coffee that's not a packet of three-in-one found in their pantry.

I'm not the first customer here this morning, but the lady was taking a while to choose what she wanted, and I knew what I wanted: an iced coffee and a donut. I just had to pop in, really, and say what I want, and be done with it. I can take my seat - I can't believe I have a usual seat now, but then again, when I'm here, I'm always here early - and start working, or at least pretending to work. I mean, forgive me, but it's not yet seven in the morning. Nobody's switched on this early in the morning.

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What's left of your weekend will never be enough

I saw this post on the usual places this morning. An acquaintance talked about realizing how he had to work overtime for all five days of the past work week, and how he responded - by buying a ticket to Bangkok right after.

Ah, yes, right.

I have absolutely forgotten that I have attempted to be friends with the people who you might class as overachievers - you know, the sort of people that don't have qualms about running for student governments, the sort of people that have the drive and the time for that sort of thing, on top of their studies, on top of being popular and liked. It's always seemed daunting then, and it still seems daunting now. How exactly do you do that and manage to not look stressed out when you're out and about?

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A shell of your former you

It's occurred to me that I may be falling out of love with writing.

I'm not really sure why. Is it because it's something I also do for a living? And you know how people can be when they realize they've got someone who can write at their disposal: you end up doing all of the writing - invitation letters, press releases, even the most mundane of copy.

"Can I have bullet points of what you want to say?" I ask, and I get, well, little. It's still up to me to both guess what they want to say and to put stuff together so the whole thing looks relatively well-written.

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Instant lasting relief

I only have one belt. You might call it stupid, but it is what it is.

For some reason I remember clearly the moments when I bought that belt. Perhaps it's because I had the whole day mapped out. I'd be going to a meeting - or was it an event? - in Makati, so I'd pass by Landmark in the morning and get myself a leather belt. I'd be driving anyway, so I don't have to worry a lot about my pants dropping more often than they should. (The day my old belt broke was way worse: Shalla and I were in Kuala Lumpur, on the day we had to fly back to Manila via Singapore. Three countries, two flights, one train ride, roughly twelve hours, and my pants are falling.) After getting myself a reversible, and having an extra hole punched, I put it around my waist and wore it for the rest of the day. Nobody has to know.

Sure, it's still stupid, perhaps. Why don't I buy another belt so I don't have to go through all this again? Well, for one, belts tend to be utilities rather than fashion statements. But, sure, I've dreamed of having one of those knitted belts. I may have considered buying one, but never went out of my way to look for them at stores. And besides, I can be really insecure about how I look, how I dress, and a belt wouldn't exactly go a long way to solve that. Shirts, yes. Jackets, yes. Belts? They're there to keep my pants from falling. I have more pressing things to worry about.

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